Dodging (or Hitting) Flying Stuff on Motorcycles
What’s the weirdest thing you ever hit, or almost hit, on your motorcycle? That’s a thread on Adventure Riders that I like to pass along periodically and I see the last time I did was July, six months ago. Time for another.
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I was lane splitting and decided for some reason to stop splitting, slow down and rejoin the lane to my right, even though the speed of traffic hadn’t changed. A second later the door of a mini-van just ahead to the left opens – yes while still moving – a passenger begins throwing up – that was a close call!
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Back in ’86 I was riding my R100S on the M5 Motorway, traffic was light and I was going well, I saw the car in front of me twitch and then hit his wash/wipe, then a sound like someone throwing a handful of gravel at my visor/screen and I was effectively blinded, some kind of clear goo was covering my visor, a few miles on there was some services, I pulled in and cleaned the goo from my visor, still unsure what I had hit close inspection between the engines cooling fins revealed, I had hit a swarm of bees.
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King Kong’s toilet paper. Headed north on the interstate into Albuquerque a semi truck was hit with a sudden microburst of wind that knocked it on its side. It skidded along the pavement, the back doors came open and ginormous rolls of paper fell out and unrolled everywhere. These things were about 4 ft in diameter and well, similar proportions to toilet paper. Made for some interesting moving obstacle avoidance. Luckily I was far enough back I didn’t get blown over too and could stop in time and help the driver climb out.
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I was riding at the front of a pack of bikes on 27 south of Jackson, MI, headed towards a party/chili fest. I ran over a dead woodchuck which was then launched out from under my bike rearwards into the unsuspecting pack of about 15 bikes, all riding side by side with the odd man following in the middle behind the last two bikes. Mostly Harleys, ATGATT consisted of t-shirts and half helmets. Mr. Woodchuck hit the bike behind me, and was sent through the pack like a stinking, wet, furry pinball. Everybody got some, especially the last guy in the middle who got him right in the chest and was almost knocked off his bike.
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Ripping down the road on a CBR900 in NH with my visor open…hit a moth the size of a bird…it flew right in my helmet and exploded on my face…couldn’t see anything at all…it was wiggling and flapping and oozing down my face…coasted to a stop with my eyes closed…wipped my helmet off and smeared moth goo all over my head…thank God there were no cars on my ass…yanked off my helmet…there was goo everywhere…so nasty…I think it was a Lunar moth…not fun.
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A draft horse that was in the road in Colorado because a mudslide had flattened the fence. As I approached he spun around and I ducked under his head.
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Today while cruising the back roads of NC in the foothills, something catches my eye on my right side. I look over to see a hawk flying helmet high the same speed (30ish) about 4 feet away. It seemed like 5 minutes although it was about 20 seconds that he just flew along side. Trying to look in front of me so as to not hit something else, he all of a sudden flies right in front of my windscreen and scared the shit out of me. Managed to keep it upright. I thought his wing brushed my windscreen he was that close. That will get your heart pumping.
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Driving to my parents house from school saturday afternoon I ran into an entire SWARM of Bras and thongs. All colors, maybe 60 of em. Girl getting picked up by her parents had one of those Target/Walmart plastic cases full of her intimates blow off. That girl has to be PISSED, they looked expensive. Oh, I’m guessing a C cup, for those who wanted to know.
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One of those big, 3″ grasshoppers. Which, in and of itself, doesn’t sound like much. But I caught the damned thing full on in the throat at about 60mph. Little tiny country road with no shoulder and no place to pull over. I wheezed and gagged for what felt like a mile before I found a safe place to pull off. I ordered a windshield the next day.
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Five soccer balls, a Lazy Boy recliner and a couch in the fast lane of I-270 in St. Louis. They fell off of the truck in front of me…the couch was the most challenging to avoid as it exploded into chunks of wood, springs and foam!
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Bread. Lots of bread. Loaves, hamburger buns, hotdog buns, dinner rolls. Scattered all over the highway. I dodged em, but I’m guessing that hitting a large loaf of bread wrapped in plastic would be kinda like hitting an ice patch.
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Just a close call for me… Last week trying to beat the storm clouds home a bolt of lightning hit a transformer I was zipping past…BIG boom lotsa light and sparks everywhere asshole firmly puckered to seat. Then just as I was starting to relax I remembered a small dip in the road ahead. Trying to plan a bit ahead I slid to the inside of the lane to minimize any possible puddle/motorcycle issues. Yup good plan…until I realized water was already half way into the other lane. That’s right two puckers in one simple ride home. and another valuable lesson…an SV1000 can be a jetski on occasion. I drank some rum when I got home.
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I fishied on the guts of a deer yesterday. Interrupted a hot meal being had by the vultures and when one took off, it still had intestine in its clutches. It pulled the the innards across the only part of the road I could go on. Oncoming traffic on the left and a ditch to my right.
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This spring I went on my first ride of the season and was behind a pickup delivering phone books when evidently a box of plastic bags opened up and several hundred came blowing out and right at me. One landed across my face shield blinding me and several wrapped across my arms and chest. I could see just enough of the edge of the road to slow down and stop with out crashing. Last I saw of the truck it was still going and blanketing the highway in a tornado of plastic.
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So there we go. The craziness continues. Be careful out there!
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January 19th, 2010 at 1:07 pm
Wow.. good stuff!
I think the weirdest thing I hit was a a big fat bumble bee while testing out my brother’s new bike. It hit me in the neck and fell down my shirt unbeknownst to I. It woke up buzzing and pecking my belly and I soon realized I had better pull over and get the hell off the shiny new machine before I wrecked it after a sting. Finally got it out of my shirt and it flew away.