Archive for the ‘Kawasaki’ Category

First Rides of 2016

Thursday, January 7th, 2016
Motorcycle with snow behind it.

Sure there's still snow on the ground but that's no reason not to ride.

OK, I was wrong about our street being clear enough to ride on Tuesday. So I went down the sidewalk again. I’ve got motorcycles that need to be ridden, you know.

I took the Kawi out first, then the Honda, then the Suzuki. There’s more snow predicted for Thursday night and you never know when you’re going to get trapped at home again, and bikes need to run. So I ran them.

It was a warm day but I bundled up and put on my electric gear. The Kawi has good wind protection so I never turned the vest on and while the heated gloves were only set on the lowest setting, I considered turning them off.

The Honda has a lot less protection, just a windshield. Now I was wishing the gloves were set warmer.

Finally, the Suzuki was just about right, enough protection and enough electric warmth.

I also had all the other gear on. While I agree with ATGATT for the most part, the fact is I rarely wear my chaps. But I had them on on Tuesday, along with helmet, gloves, jacket, and boots. ATG. At this time of year you never know when you’re going to hit a bit of ice or gravel or something that is going to put you down. And that was almost exactly what happened.

I was coming north on University Boulevard past DU and was amazed how much new construction is going on along that stretch. It seems every old building for several blocks on the east side of University, south of Evans, has been removed and new multi-story buildings are going up. So there is a good bit of mud on the street from the construction vehicles. No problem, though.

Then I went to turn east on Evans and ran across what I took to be just a wet spot on the street. Wrong. It was a thin layer of mud and my back end swung way, way out to the side. I’m sure the guy behind me was wondering if this guy on this bike was going to fall right in front of him. I was wondering, too.

But the tire caught dry pavement and found traction and then, as I knew it was going to do, it stood up straight and shook the way a bike will do when you high-side. But I was going slowly and did not give it any throttle so I was able to ride it out. That definitely gets your attention, though.

By the time I got back from the third ride more of the street was clear and I only needed the sidewalk for a short distance, but even on Wednesday when I went out again the sidewalk was necessarily part of my route. We’ll see what happens with snow on Thursday.

Biker Quote for Today

Motorcycles are like girls: It’s always better to have two.

A Good Bump In Miles Ridden In 2015

Monday, January 4th, 2016
motorcycles on a Utah highway

The OFMC in Utah.

The miles I covered on my bikes in 2015 totaled more than a 50 percent increase over 2014. That’s a really good thing. And the miles I put on the bikes far surpassed what I put on my car, too, which is another good thing. The only somewhat negative thing about last year is that I still didn’t come close to my best years on the bikes, where in some cases I just simply rode a lot more than I did in 2015, even though 2015 is an increase.

Every year at this time I check and record my mileage and see how the year went. This year’s numbers:

I only put 4,957 miles on my car, which is part of why the bike miles totaled more. That’s down from 7,558 in 2014. On the V-Strom I covered 3,849 miles, which is up from 2,596. For the CB750 it’s actually down, 531 in 2015 vs. 712 in 2014. I wouldn’t have thought that was the case but the numbers don’t lie. And for the Concours it’s 2,121 in 2015 vs. 1,037 in 2014. Total for the bikes: 6,501.

Just to put that in perspective, in 2012 I rode the Concours alone more than that: 6,785 miles. And in 2011 I rode the Concours alone 10,004 miles. Then add miles for the other bikes. But at least I’m back on an upward trend. And I expect those numbers to really surge in 2016. I mean, I have a lot more time to ride now. How could they not increase?

Right now, of course, the weather is the issue, blocking me from my first ride of the year. But the weather is in my favor now. Saturday was warm and sunny. Sunday was warm and sunny. Monday is warm and sunny. I went out on Saturday and inspected the streets around our house and concluded that by Tuesday the snow and ice would be melted sufficiently so I should be able to get out of the neighborhood. I’m really counting on it because the forecast is for more snow starting on Thursday. Let’s get this year started!

Biker Quote for Today

The engine charges the bike’s battery, and the ride recharges my own batteries. — Clement Salvadori

Vintage Motorcycle Show Will Be June 7

Thursday, May 14th, 2015

by Matt Wessels

The Vintage movement is in full force and old motorcycles are finding their way back to daylight and backroads in record numbers. This year will mark the 5th annual Vintage Motorcycle Show in Golden, Colorado.

Heritage Square will host the event one last time before they close their doors at the end of 2015, and all of their facilities will be operational for the show. Those facilities include bathrooms, restaurants, and a bar.

Erico Motorsports, GrandPrix Motorsports Indian and Foothills Triumph/BMW will be there showcasing some of the factory retro motos.┬áLast year they had a half-million dollar Vincent show up, by the name of the Black Prince. It might make a re-appearance at this year’s show.

The show (Sunday, June 7) is open to anybody with a vintage motorcycle following the structure of a controlled open floor. To enter, respond to the evite and drop a comment so that Bob can get an idea of how many bikes there will be. Being a part of the show is just as free as attending it. They are taking donations for Hospice care, so bring some stray bills to support a good cause!

Much like the show being a celebration of all that was good and right in the motorcycle world, the Hospice donations are a celebration of good people who make it their life’s work to increase the quality of life for those who can not completely provide it for themselves. The idea was started when a friend was immensely impressed with the Hospice workers who take care of his mom, and wanted to give back.

The VJMC is also giving back by footing the bill for the event and wants all motorcycles from all backgrounds, manufacturers, and styles to attend. This isn’t a profitable endeavor, this is simply two enthusiasts who want to bring like-minded people together and celebrate good bikes, good food, good talk, and good experiences.

If you missed the link up above, go HERE to register for attendance. IT’S FREE!

For any other questions or comments, please reach out to Bob @ superhawk65@gmail.com

Many of the same folks meet at the GB Fish and Chips on the first Thursday of every month for Old Bike Night. There are a few other Old Bike Night meetups around the front range area, but not all necessarily connected with this one.

Colorado Motorcycle Events Of Interest

Monday, March 16th, 2015
Motorcycles In Parking Lot

Can you tell there's some kind of motorcycle event going on here?

I was updating the Rides and Rallies page the other day and was interested to see that there are several events coming up this summer that are beyond your everyday poker runs and charity rides. So I figured I’d bring them to your attention.

Taking things chronologically, from May 7 to 10, there is the National Coalition of Motorcyclists 30th Annual Convention, which will be held at the Denver Marriott Tech Center, 4900 S. Syracuse.

The first thing I asked myself was “What is the National Coalition of Motorcyclists?” And I’m still wondering a bit. Going to that site I found that this is something connected with that motorcycle lawyer you’ve probably heard of or seen advertising for, Richard Lester. OK, for me that immediately ignites skepticism. Is this just some self-promotional thing? But this is supposed to be the 30th such convention, and presumably they wouldn’t keep holding them if there wasn’t good attendance, so what is this really? If anyone has information they could provide to me I’d appreciate it. I’m very curious.

Next up is the Old Bike Ride 13, which takes off from downtown Golden, on May 17. This is something I do know about. I rode it a few years ago. It’s a ride for old bikes and/or old bikers put on through Colorado’s Brit bike folks and it’s a great chance to see a lot of really different old bikes out on the road. And hey, this year my old 1980 CB750 Custom is actually old enough to qualify, though I didn’t hesitate to ride it a few years ago. It’s not like they run you off the road if your bike isn’t old enough.

Then, June 11 to 14, we have the Steel Horse Sisterhood Summit going on in Loveland, at the Embassy Suites there by the events center just off I-25. I had never heard of the Steel Horse Sisterhood before but as you might guess, it’s an organization for women riders. Guys can attend, however, just as men were welcome a few years ago in Keystone at the International Women and Motorcycling Conference put on by the American Motorcyclist Association.

And then, near and dear to my heart, the Concours Owners Group (COG) is having its national rally June 15 to 19 in Cortez at the Baymont Inn and Suites. I guess this group likes to come to Colorado because they had this annual event up in Frisco just a few years ago. You’ll never see more Concours-s (what the heck is plural for Concours?) than you will at this event. And by definition, this is a group of long-distance riders. I went to that last one in Frisco and I’m going to try to make it to this one, too. I do ride a Concours, after all.

Then one last thing, and this is for you hard-core dirt bike guys. On July 26, what is now apparently called the Colorado Trail Race, but which I believe used to be the Colorado 500, will run on the dirt or gravel all the way from Denver to Durango. No, I’m not good enough yet on my V-Strom to even consider doing this one, but maybe some day. But it sounds like a heckuva ride. And they do tell you what the route is. Maybe what I ought to do is start exploring particular stretches of this route bit by bit.

(Oops. I had put this thing up about the Colorado Trail Race but was informed that that was a mountain bike event, not a motorcycle event. Gosh, maybe someone could come up with a motorcycle event that would be similar. That would be a kick. And whatever did happen to the Colorado 500? Oh well, moving on, back to the original post.)

Now, what’s really nice is that I do know for a fact that there are several other equally interesting events going on here in the state. I just haven’t had time to track them down and get them onto the listing yet. There’s going to be a whole slew of good riding to be done. Ain’t it grand to live in Colorado?!

Biker Quote for Today

Murphy’s Motorcycle Laws: 1. A motorcycle cannot/will not fall over without an audience.

Riding Numbers Looking Better In 2014

Thursday, January 1st, 2015
My three motorcycles

Having three bikes reduces the number of miles you put on any one bike.

My mileage numbers were up on all three bikes in 2014, so that’s the good news (at least as far as I’m concerned). And down on the car. I would have liked the numbers to go further in each direction but at least they moved in the right directions.

The Honda was up the most percentagewise, although it had the lowest base to start from. I rode it 712 miles last year, compared to a paltry 327 miles in 2013. That’s the thing with having three motorcycles: time spent on one is often time not spent on another.

The Concours numbers were still a tiny fraction of what they had been the four years I spent freelancing full-time, but at least I put in more than 1,000 miles on it, which I had not in 2013. Total miles for 2014 were 1,037, compared to a piddling 666 in 2013. Compare that to the 9,437 I put on the Connie in 2012. I’ll point out though that I took the Suzuki on the OFMC trips in 2013 and in 2014, so that reduced the Kawi numbers substantially. The Connie is the bike I normally like to take on that trip.

And how did the Suzuki do? It rang up 2,596 miles compared to 2,294 the previous year. So that was respectable.

Meanwhile, I only put 7,558 miles on my car, compared to 10,109 in 2013. Match that with the total of 4,345 for the three bikes versus 3,287 the year before and you get more than 1,000 more miles on the bikes and about 2,500 fewer car miles. I’ll take that.

The difference this year had an awful lot to do with the fact that I just simply rode to work more often in 2014 than I did in 2013. I also went to work less, having cut back from five days a week to four days a week in about June. And I still ride the light rail to work a couple days most weeks.

I’m looking for things to change seriously in 2015. My job at the National Park Service will be drawing to a close around the first of May and I just don’t see any way in the world that I’m not going to ride a heck of a lot more and drive my car a whole lot less. Plus, the OFMC is looking at taking several trips this summer instead of the usual one.

I have a strong expectation that 2015 is going to be one heck of a good motorcycling year. Bring it on!

Biker Quote for Today

I’d rather be a rider for a minute, than a spectator for a lifetime.

Comparing Concourses, Plus An Interceptor

Monday, August 4th, 2014
Jungle with the Concours and the Interceptor.

Jungle with the Concours and the Interceptor.

I had a very interesting opportunity a couple weeks back to ride a Kawasaki Concours that was not my own. What made it interesting was to see how two essentially identical bikes differ. And they do.

I was up in Eagle and went riding with my friends Willie and Jungle, on Jungle’s 2000 Concours. Mine is a 1999.

The very first thing I did when I bought my Connie was to have risers installed that raised and brought the grips back three inches. I was convinced at the time that this was essential to making the bike comfortable, rather than having an uncomfortable forward lean to the grips. Jungle’s Connie does not have risers. I noticed this immediately. And as we rode I quickly came to the conclusion that my thinking had been correct. It wasn’t long before my shoulder was aching pretty badly.

Another thing I noticed right away was that Jungle’s bike does not have highway pegs. I love my highway pegs. (And I’m glad to say that as of yesterday I now finally have highway pegs on my V-Strom.) I know that Jungle and Willie take long trips on the Concours and I just don’t understand how you can do that without highway pegs. I need to move my legs around. I guess Jungle just doesn’t have that need.

At our first stop, Jungle came over to me and asked with a bit of a grin if I had noticed anything about the bike. I knew exactly what he meant. This Concours has a growl to it that mine does not, and it has noticeably more power. His grin widened as he explained that he had advanced the timing about 5 degrees and that made all the difference. It’s a really simple thing to do, he told me, and he described the procedure. But you have to understand that Jungle is a mechanic by trade and what for him is simple is for me something I wouldn’t dream of attempting.

Anyway, although the extra power was fun, it seemed that this bike really sucked the gas down, much more quickly than mine. I’ve never been unsatisfied with the power my bike has so if the trade-off for even more power is lower gas mileage I’m happy to just stick with what I’ve got.

We rode from Eagle up to Steamboat Springs, had lunch there, and then headed back to Eagle. As I mentioned, my shoulder was really hurting me, so when, on the way back, Jungle pulled over and asked if I’d like to ride his Honda Interceptor I was interested but uncertain. This bike is a full-on sport bike with the typical crouched riding position with a serious forward lean. But I wanted to ride it and it wasn’t as if staying on the Concours was going to suddenly become comfortable.

What a difference! From the moment I got on the Interceptor and really leaned forward the pain went away. What a relief! And then, to add to that, I found that bike a joy to ride. Jungle is a go-fast kind of guy, and on the way up I had not been able to keep up with him. With him on the Concours–which he definitely rode fast–and me on the Interceptor I found that this sport bike made it really easy to go really fast. It wasn’t just that it had all this power, although it did, but that the steering and handling were so smooth and so sweet. The control was amazing. I finally really get what it is that the fans of these bikes love.

So we got back to Eagle in a hurry. Fun ride.

Biker Quote for Today

I ride a bullet. A 2-wheeled, multiple-explosion powered machine with enough moving parts to remove entire fingers. Surfaces hot enough to cook flesh. It propels me at neck-breaking, bone-snapping flesh-tearing speeds, over and through obstacles I can only see as blurs. It’s a sport that kills the careless, maims the best, and spits at the concept of mercy.

The Best of Each Bike

Thursday, March 13th, 2014
Kawasaki Concours, Honda CB750 Custom, Suzuki V-Strom 650

My three bikes: Kawasaki Concours, Honda CB750 Custom, Suzuki V-Strom 650

With winter weather being unpredictable, and with my commitment to myself to ride each of my bikes at least (at least!) once every calendar month, it’s not unusual for me to take a spin on each one all in one day at this time of year. Just to make sure I don’t get blindsided by a snowstorm, you know, like that one that swept through on Tuesday.

Getting on each bike back to back to back in one day gives me an opportunity to compare them to each other, and the things that I particularly like or don’t like about any of them really stand out. Here’s what I find noticeable about each one.

2006 Suzuki V-Strom 650
This one is the light-weight. It has the most pep and it’s extremely agile. With the top box I put on it it is also the one with the most luggage space, by quite a lot. Heck, I got the top box partly because I almost never need the huge side bags that came with it, but I do want space to stash a helmet and rainsuit.

I like the Wee-Strom because it gives me a lot of leg room and it has deep suspension for soaking up big bumps. Of course, it’s also the only one that is really good off the pavement so of course I love it for that–that’s why I bought it.

What it does lack is power. It’s only a 650, after all. I said it has a lot of pep, but that means it’s quick, it accelerates rapidly. Get on the highway with it and you better not expect to cruise at supersonic speeds. It also–so far–lacks highway pegs, so it’s not the best distance bike, either.

1999 Kawasaki Concours
The Connie is the one with supersonic speed. This bike will go faster than I’ll ever take it. At 1000cc, this is the bike that will cruise all day very comfortably at speeds that get you where you’re going in a hurry. Plus, the seat is comfortable on long rides, the riding position keeps my back from aching, and the highway pegs I got from Murph’s provide long-distance comfort. And the fairing is great. This is the bike I want to get on and just stay on. And on and on.

The side bags on the Connie are not as large as on the Wee, but they’re big enough. Plus I have a good tank bag that keeps a few things extra handy.

Probably the worst thing about the Connie is its weight. I’ve never had to pick it up all by myself and I dread ever having to do that. Yeah, I know the routine, and I’m sure I’d manage eventually, but it would not be fun.

1980 Honda CB750 Custom
One of the best things about the Honda–my first ever bike–is how low it sits. The Concours is very tall and has a lot of weight up high. The Suzuki is also very tall, but much lighter. The Honda is the only one of the three where I can get both feet flat on the ground at the same time. Heck, I can even bend my knees.

While the Honda is in the middle both weight-wise and engine-wise, it is definitely the slowest of the three. I didn’t know it until I had owned the bike for a lot of years that 1980 was about the time when Congress was considering banning bikes they felt went too fast. To dissuade our elected representatives from doing so, some of the manufacturers–including Honda–built bikes for a few years that were deliberately crippled, and wouldn’t go over a certain speed. The speedometer on this bike only goes up to 85, and in all the years I’ve owned it I’ve only pegged it once. That said, it will actually cruise a lot more comfortably for a lot longer time at 70-75 than the Suzuki with its little 650cc engine.

The Honda also has the least amount of storage space. I have a pair of soft bags that are big enough to travel with, and it has a rack on back that I strap stuff to, but that’s a pain compared to just throwing stuff in hard bags like I can do with the other two bikes.

Still, the Honda is the bike that finally fulfilled my motorcycle dreams after dreaming for far too long. It may be old, it may be slow, but it still puts a smile on my face. And we have a lot of history.

Bottom Line
If I had to choose just one bike it would be the Concours. I’d hate to have to make that choice, though, because the Connie hates gravel and I want more and more to get off the pavement. That’s what the V-Strom is for. And the Honda is an old friend, who it’s nice go out with now and then. We’re no longer joined at the hip the way we once were, but this is an old friend I’ll always make time for.

I guess I’ll just have to keep riding them all.

Biker Quote for Today

Riding a motorcycle is fun. Riding a supermoto is inexplicable.

An Early, But Not Premature, Mileage Check For 2013

Monday, December 30th, 2013
V-Strom on a dirt road

The riding champion for 2013.

OK, this is embarrassing. While it’s not yet January 1, I’ve gone ahead and checked my riding mileage for 2013. I’m pretty confident I won’t be getting out on any bike in the next day. And the numbers are sad.

Last year, 2012, I rode my Concours alone almost 10,000 miles. In 2013 I only hit a total on all three bikes of 3,287. Yeah, I’m embarrassed.

For the Honda it was a piddling 327 miles. At least in 2012 I rode that bike 504 miles–not a lot, but a good bit more than 327. Of course, having a third bike means less mileage on the other two, for the most part.

The Concours really shows the drop. Hitting 9,437 in 2012, this dropped to only 666 miles in 2013. When I first figured that total I thought I must have read the odometer wrong and went out for another look, because I knew we rode further than that on the OFMC trip alone. But then I remembered I took the Suzuki on that trip. So yes, a scant 666 miles on the Connie. Ouch.

The champion for the year was the new bike, pretty much because of the OFMC trip. I rode the V-Strom 2,294 miles in 2013. And altogether, that comes to just 3,287 miles on the three bikes.

In comparison, I have so far this year–and the year isn’t quite up yet–put 10,077 on my car. That compares to just 5,061 in 2012 and 3,556 the year before. In those years I was putting double the miles on the Concours that I did on my car. Not this year. That’s what having a full-time job will do.

It would not be an impolite question to ask why, if I only rode that much, I think it necessary to have three motorcycles. I could–and will–offer the response of, “wait till next year.” I swear all those numbers will be higher next year. But when it comes to the Honda I’m feeling pretty conflicted. That is my first bike. Unlike nearly everyone else, I still own my very first bike. I’ve had it for a long, long time. And I love that bike. Nevertheless, if I didn’t have it I wouldn’t go out and buy it. I would feel the other two are plenty for all occasions. Plus, ever since I started riding the Suzuki, whenever I get on the Honda it feels old and slow. And so for the first time I’ve started at least thinking about letting it go.

It’s certainly not a money consideration. I’d be doing well to get $600 for the Honda, while insurance and registration only cost me about $150 total per year. Pretty small numbers on both sides of the calculation.

No, it’s just sentiment. So here’s what I’m telling myself: I won’t have any trouble justifying keeping all these bikes if I get out and ride each of them a lot each year. So what I have got to do is get out and ride each of them a lot. It’s a dirty job, and only I can do it. I accept this job. Now I just have to live up to my commitment.

Biker Quote for Today

Motorcyclist prayer: Oh lord if I die, please don’t let my wife sell my bikes for what I told her they cost.

My Inglorious Ride to Work Day

Thursday, June 20th, 2013
My Concours laying on its side.

This was not my smoothest move of the day.

Monday was National Ride Your Motorcycle to Work Day, so I did. I try to help promote this thing every year but it has been a long time since I’ve had an actual job to ride to. I do now, so I did.

You’ve probably already noticed the photo of my Kawasaki Concours laying on its side. Oh, yeah–that.

So I got to work expecting to see a whole bunch of bikes in the parking lot. Normally there are quite a few guys who ride pretty much every day when the weather permits. I was pretty surprised to get there and find the only other bike in this one of two motorcycle parking areas was that Honda Ruckus off to the right there. Didn’t ever get down to see who was parked in the second area.

OK, no big deal. I got off and set the bike on the side stand with that yellow disc under it so it wouldn’t sink into the asphalt. But with the slope of the lot my bike was sitting up too straight, worrying me that a good stiff wind could blow it over. It has happened before. No problem, I’ll just rock it up onto the center stand.

I have no explanation for what ensued. I’ve rocked that bike onto the center stand hundreds if not thousands of time. But the first time I tried it I couldn’t get it up. So I tried again. But something was wrong and instead of rocking it onto the stand, it just tipped over. Man, do I hate it when that happens!

Right at that moment there was no one around to ask for assistance so I took a whack at it myself. But a Concours is pretty darn heavy. I was getting nowhere when a guy I don’t know but had seen around the building came along and offered to help. We quickly got it back up. No damage.

He told me he rides a Vulcan but I was too distracted to pay much attention to anything else he told me about the bike. Next time I see him I’ll thank him again and ask.

So OK, it was no big deal but it sure was annoying. Plus, I’ve never had to pick that bike up all by myself. I’ve done that with my Honda but this bike is heavier. I’m not sure I could have. I sure wasn’t having any success before this other guy came along. Maybe the brain fart that was in effect that made me drop the bike was still in effect as I tried to lift it.

At least I rode to work on Ride to Work Day. Where were the rest of you guys?

Recent from National Motorcycle Examiner
Going two-wheel on Ride to Work Day

Biker Quote for Today

An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered. — G. K. Chesterton.

They Gave My KLR to Someone Else!

Monday, June 17th, 2013
Motorcycle Roadeo

A motorcycle roadeo followed the actual riding of this year's Randy Run.

Can you believe it? I showed up at the Frontier Club Saturday for the party and games that followed ABATE‘s Randy Run, and even bought a fourth ticket in the raffle, but the KLR 650 I had planned on taking home was given to someone else! That bike was mine! Some guy named Rod Sommerall (sp?) from Highlands Ranch. And he wasn’t even there to ride the bike home.

Actually, the raffle was a little anticlimactic because none of the three winners were present. Second and third place prizes were a Garmin GPS unit and a bluetooth communicator set. You didn’t have to be present to win. But it just lacked in impact when they called these three names and nobody stepped forward.

Figuring to make up for that a little, one of the guys in the band stepped up and called for the t-shirt he had donated to the silent auction. It was one of those typical Harley-Davidson dealership t-shirts, except this one said Kandahar Harley-Davidson, Afghanistan. I have no idea if there is a Kandahar H-D dealership but there is definitely a shirt.

So the band guy announced that they would keep pulling tickets out of the hopper until someone who was actually there won that shirt. It took several more draws but someone did finally win it.

Overall sales of the raffle tickets was disappointing for ABATE, although they did make a profit. A maximum of 2,500 tickets had been set but when I spoke with ABATE State Coordinator Terry Howard before the drawing she told me they had sold fewer than 1,000. That may have changed, however, as tickets were selling like crazy before the drawing. But I’m sure it was still nothing close to 2,500.

Apparently, though, this raffle was just a toe in the water, and immediately after the raffle a new raffle began and this time the top prize is a Harley. ABATE will have to sell a lot more tickets to break even on a bike that expensive but you have to suspect there will be a lot more people interested. I’ll pass along details and a link on that once they are available. But I don’t think I’ll buy any tickets for this raffle. I really wanted the KLR.

Recent from National Motorcycle Examiner
Going two-wheel on Ride to Work Day

Biker Quote for Today

You know you’re a biker if your ol’ lady can only eat a hot dog if it’s suspended from a string above your bike.