Did You Hear the One About the Biker Who . . .
Today is joke day. I’ll admit unabashedly that I found these jokes on other blogs or websites and copied them down. So hey, when was the last time you invented a joke? Here, enjoy.
A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver’s license?
Biker: I don’t have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner’s card for this vehicle?
Biker: It’s not my bike. I stole it.
Officer: The motorcycle is stolen?
Biker: That’s right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner’s card in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There’s a gun in the tool bag?
Biker: Yes sir. That’s where I put it after I shot and killed the dude who owns this bike and stuffed his dope in the saddle bags.
Officer: There’s drugs in the saddle bags too?!?!?
Biker: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the rookie immediately called his captain. The biker was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the biker to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Biker: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.
Captain: Who’s motorcycle is this?
Biker: It’s mine, officer. Here’s the registration.
Captain: Could you slowly open your tool bag so I can see if there’s a gun in it?
Biker: Yes, sir, but there’s no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the tool bag.
Captain: Would you mind opening your saddle bags? I was told you said there’s drugs in them.
Biker: No problem.
The saddle bags were opened; no drugs.
Captain: I don’t understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn’t have a license, stole this motorcycle, had a gun in the tool bag, and that there were drugs in the saddle bags.
Biker: Yeah, I’ll bet he told you I was speeding, too.
*************
A Highway Patrolman waited outside a popular biker bar, hoping for a bust. At closing time everyone come out and he spotted his potential quarry. The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, looking for his motorcycle. After trying his keys on five other bikes, he finally found his own bike. He sat on his motorcycle for a good 10 minutes, as the other patrons left. He turned his lights on, then off, and again on and off. He started his engine and pull forward into the grass, then stopped.
Finally, he pulled out onto the road and started to drive away. The patrolman, waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled the man over. He administered the breathalyzer test, and to his great surprise, the man blew a 0.00.
The patrolman was dumbfounded. “This equipment must be broken!” he exclaimed.
“I doubt it,” said the man, “You see, tonight I am the designated decoy . . . I haven’t had a drink all day!”
*************
A woman and her husband were riding their Harley Electra Glide on vacation, but had to interrupt their trip to go to the dentist.
“I want a tooth pulled and I don’t want to waste any time with any pain killers because we’re in a big hurry,” the woman said. “Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible and we’ll be on our way.”
The dentist was quite impressed. “You’re certainly a courageous woman,” he said. “Which tooth is it?”
The woman turned to her husband and said, “Show him your tooth, dear.”
*************
This biker went to a store the other day, and was in there for only about 5 minutes. However, when he came out there was a cop writing a parking ticket.
So the biker went up to him and said, “Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?”
The cop ignored him and continued writing the ticket.
So the biker called the cop a pencil-necked Nazi.
The cop glared at him and started writing another ticket for having worn tires!
So then the biker called the cop a piece of horseshit.
The cop finished the second ticket and put it on the car’s windshield with the first.
Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20 minutes and the more the biker abused the cop, the more tickets he wrote.
Of course, the biker didn’t care. His motorcycle was parked around the corner.
*************
When I was young I used to pray for a Harley. Then I realized that God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a Harley and prayed for forgiveness.
Biker Quote for Today
I’d rather be riding my motorcycle thinking about God than sitting in church thinking about my motorcycle.
Tags: biker jokes
