Passes & Canyons Blog

Heading up Mount Evans.

ADV has an ongoing thread I like to dip into at times, asking what the most stupid question you’ve been asked while on your motorcycle. Here are a few more.

• I was once at the Slickrock trailhead in Moab & a Valley Girl asked me: “Do those dirt bikes work on the rock?”
• Again today after having ridden to work I got “Did you ride your bike today” (me with full gear on walking into the building carrying my helmet). I finally cracked and said, “Nope… I’m just REEEEEEEEEALLY careful when I drive.”
• I swear to God, I get this all the time when I pull up on my KLX covered with mud, knobbies and all: “Is that a dirt bike?”
• I stopped by a huge dealership one day to grab something on the way home, still in my one piece leathers, carrying a helmet, and some sales guy asked me if I had a bike. How do you even justify that with a response?
• Not stupid… but about five years ago my buddies and I (sportbikes, full leathers, you know the look) were having breakfast at an IHOP before going on a Sunday ride. As we were getting up to leave, a little boy, maybe about 4 years old, walks right up to one of my buds and goes, “mister, are you a Power Ranger?” I just about died laughing on that one.
• My son used to ride with me and he always wore his helmet into the store he was so pleased to be on the back of a bike. Cashier asked him if he was on a m/c. He said no, I fall down a lot. I was SO proud of him!!
• I was at a local motorcycle shop, and a prospective rider was asking about the different brands of bikes. I was looking though the tires on the rack, minding my own business, when I heard the prospective rider ask the shop employee, “KTM, hmmm, where are those made?”
  “Australia” he responded… I couldn’t take it, so I respectfully interjected:
  “Actually, they are made in Austria.”
  “Really,” the shop employee said, “I thought they were made in Europe.” He was being genuine.
  Geography, without it, you’re nowhere!
• I get to work one very cold day, a girl asks me as I walk into the office with all my gear still on,” did you ride your motorcycle today? ” I replied, no way it’s to cold, so I pushed it in!
• A couple months ago I broke my collarbone. I must have had 10 people ask me “were you wearing a helmet?”
• I get strange looks at stoplights when on my bike but I guess it’s because I have a yellow mohawk on my helmet. I had one woman roll down her window and ask why I had it. I told her that it was for safety. She gave me a strange look and I explained that since she put down her cell phone and looked at me – in disgust – that it had served its purpose. You don’t have to like it, but you do see it. Haven’t had anyone pull out in front of me while I’ve had the mohawk on. I take it off when going to see customers because I want to give a more professional appearance – as best as I can while riding an old school bright yellow superbike.

Biker Quote for Today

I’m not speeding, I’m qualifying.

Racing at Vintage Motorcycle Days a few years ago.

I admit that I’m sitting here today needing to get a Thursday post up but I have no ideas. So this will be a bit of a re-hash but I hope you don’t mind. I’ve been putting out blog posts regularly for more than 10 years and almost from the very beginning I have included a Biker Quote for Today. Here are some all time goodies.

The only thing better than a motorcycle is two motorcycles.

Happiness isn’t around the corner, it is the corner.

“I don’t feel like going for a ride today.” — said no motorcycle rider ever

Dirt bikes are not for wimps. They are, however, quite suitable for the clinically insane.

Helmet not wore when go ride, and no damaging so far brain yet!

The shortest distance between two points is for people who can’t ride.

“But officer, bikes fall over if they aren’t going fast.”

Love is the feeling you get when you like something as much as your motorcycle. Have you ever been in love?

To ride or not to ride? That is a stupid question.

People tell me I have a motorcycle problem. I tell them, I may have problems, but motorcycles are the solution.

Must work to afford Bikethings.

Don’t stop riding until you get to the crash; you might save it!

Adventure is what happens when you thought you were going to have a good time.

I have no idea where we are, but at least it’s getting dark.

It’s our job. Burnin’ gasoline, killin’ bugs, and wearing out tires!

I don’t ride because I have a death wish, I ride because I wish to live.

MOTORCYCLES: created to keep us from choking the idiots around us.

Don’t let my motorcycle ride interfere with the safety of your phone call.

Time spent on a motorcycle is not deducted from your lifespan.

OK. I hope you got a grin or two out of that. Now here’s the latest one for today.

Biker Quote for Today

You might be a Yuppie biker if you stop 30 miles from Sturgis to unload your bike so you can ride in.

Just out for some fun.

It turns out that I have drawn from this Adventure Rider thread more recently than I remembered. Oh well, there’s a lot more where this came from. The idea is, what stupid questions have people asked you when you’re on your bike and stop somewhere? Here are some of them.

• Who makes Triumph? (I get this one a lot at gas stations).
• Stupid woman: “Motorcycles are dangerous!”
  Me: “Don’t you mean ‘riding motorcycles is dangerous’?”
  SW: “Yes.”
  Me: “Most people die in bed. So, where do you sleep?”
• In ’64 my buddy and I rolled up to the ranger’s hut at the Wildrose Station entrance to Death Valley on a pair of Vespa 125s on our way from San Jose to the Grand Canyon. Hard to mistake those Vespas – floor board / fairing front end with “VESPA” in big letters. The ranger leans out and comments,
  “Hondas, huh? How do they take the hills?”
• Got the Classic again last week.
  Nitwit “What is that?”
  Me “KTM 950 Adventure”
  Nitwit “Who makes it?”
  Me “KTM”
  Nitwit “Oh Its a Kawasaki”
  Me “Uhm,,,,,, Yeah”
  Pulled my helmet on and rode away laughing
• Stopped at a stop light in ATGATT. Crotch Rocket Guy pulls up next to me in T-shirt, shorts, and sneaks.
  CRG: “Planning on falling down?”
  Me: “Nope. Planning on getting up if I do.”
• Had a girl ask me not long ago how I was able to get my pipes such a pretty blue color!
• Riding to work each day in winter, other employees getting out of their cars in the parking lot without coats or jackets would ask me, “Aren’t you cold?”
  Nope, I’m the one with the warm coat.
• The receptionist has asked me if it’s hard to keep the motorcycle upright and if I can go as fast as a car.
• I stopped at a deli the other day and this woman looked at my jacket & boots and asked me if I was going skiing.
• A guy walks up from the rear of the bike and asks “How far of a trip are you on this time” I am less than 5 miles from the house, no luggage, tank bag, or anything strapped down on the tail rack, and I have Indiana plates on the bike in Indiana.
• Does that jacket make you hot?
  Nawww… but my wife thinks it does.

Biker Quote for Today

You know you’re a biker if you own more black T-shirts then underwear.

Not a whole lot going on at this time of year, and not a whole lot of riding, either. So I’ll make this short and just pass along a video Jerry Pokorny sent out.

Biker Quote for Today

Why motorcycles are better than women: You can choke your motorcycle.

Heading up the pass.

I’ve only mined this ADV thread a few times so there’s a lot here. The theme is “Stupid questions people ask you when stopped.” Here are a few, although some people get off the train of the question.

Out for a ride?
Nope, pushed it here just to hang out…

Pulling up at lights, gas stations, etc. – I guess because I’m only 5’4, 115 pds, and female.
“Do you ride that thing?”
I usually just look at them, or say, “Yea – why not?”
Perhaps I should come up with something snappier, like….
“No – I just push it around, so I can sit on it at stoplights.”

The comment that gets me is “That’s a murdercycle!” or something similar. When someone tries to tell me how DANGEROUS my Bandit is, that one day I will die on her, I simply reply “well, my best friend died in a car crash, as did my Grandfather. I don’t trust cars!”
If they keep going on about it, I tell them I’d rather die on my bike, doing what I love, than driving in my car on the way to Safeway.
So far all I get from those comments are blank stares.

There are so many TYPES of questions. Some nice, some smart-assed some incredibly stupid. I got asked by some smart-assed kid what my ADV sticker meant today and used someone else’s reply of “Antisocial, Disturbed and Violent and that it was court ordered” This kids eyes got big and then he just walked away while looking over his shoulder. Guy sittin’ on the bench was in tears laughing when I turned around. I just grinned and went in the store.

I stopped in at the little camp store on Mount Pisgah on the Blue Ridge Parkway Saturday and chatted with a guy who was sitting out front taking in the scene.
He was on a Honda Shadow (a 600 cc or so bike). He said that when people ask him why he doesn’t have a Harley, he says, “I can’t afford all of them t-shirts!”

LEO: License Please.
ME: (already have it out and hand it over)
LEO: I have you on radar going 74 in a 50, do you know how fast you were going?
ME: Huh, are you asking for a second opinion? Cause I might have a conflict of interest.
He didn’t think this was funny, it cost me.

You ride a motorcycle? (Amazing how often I hear this walking to or from my bike.)
No, this stuff protects me from hyenas.

Stupidest question has to be when I ride up on my Commando with the big fuel injection emblems on it, and some says “I see it says fuel injection….what kind of carburetors do you have on it.”

My least favorite: “Do you know why I stopped you, Mr.Wade?”

This is a little bit of a tangent. Being on the other side as a motor cop, I nearly got hit turning around and when I got to the driver’s door, I asked the driver “Do you know why I stopped you?” When he said no, I had forgotten and had to say, “Neither do I, thank you for stopping and please drive safely.”

Biker Quote for Today

Life without a motorcycle is no life at all.

Do you suppose these guys are swapping jokes?

Before I get started, here is a humorous note. I decided I would search the web and come up with some biker jokes. I looked at a lot of sites and copied a bunch that I liked. Then I came across a link to my own blog–this blog. It was from 2008 and it was a post with biker jokes. Well, I clicked through and there in that 2008 post were three of the very same jokes I had copied and intended to use today. Doh!

OK, time for some humor.

How can you tell when a Gold Wing rider is having an affair? His helmet doesn’t match the passenger’s.

Q: How is a Harley Davidson like an old dog?
A: They both like to ride in the back of pickup trucks.

Q: What is the difference between a Harley Davidson and an old dog?
A: The dog can get in the back of the pickup by itself.

What do you get when you cross a donkey with a motorcycle? A Yam-Hee-Haw.

A ten year old boy was walking down the street when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside him and asks, “Hey kid, wanna go for a ride?”
“No!” said the boy, and he kept walking.
The motorcyclist pulls up to him again and says “Hey kid, I’ll give you $10 if you hop on the back.”
“No!” said the boy and he proceeded down the street a little quicker.
The motorcyclist pulls up to the boy again and says, “OK kid, I’ll give you $20 and a big bag of candy if you hop on the back for a ride.”
At this point, the boy turns around to him and screams angrily, “Look Dad, YOU bought the Honda, so YOU ride it!”

A biker is riding along a country lane, when a sparrow flies up in front of him. The biker can’t do anything and hits the sparrow. As he looks
in his rear view mirror, he sees the sparrow lying in the road. Being the kind of guy he is, he stops, picks up the sparrow and takes it home and
puts it in a cage, still in a coma. When the sparrow wakes up the following morning, he looks through the bars of the cage and says, “Dang! I must have killed the biker.”

Q: What is a Harley Davidson rider’s favorite type of wood?
A: MaHOGany

This big ugly biker walks into the bar with a parrot on his shoulder, orders a beer and a shot. The bartender sets him up and says, “That’s really cool, where did you get him?”
“Sturgis.” Replied the parrot, “They’re all over the friggin’ place!”

And here, for the last one, is one I especially like.

Badass Biker Bob wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Bob looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table: “Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you.”
So he goes to the kitchen, and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.
Bob asks, “Son, what happened last night?”
His son says, “Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious, broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door.”
Confused, Badass Bob asks, “So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?”
His son replies, “Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, “Lady, leave me alone, I’m married!”

Biker Quote for Today

I love my motorcycle — it’s great for getting to the front of queues quicker. It does always terrify the other people in the post office though.