Passes & Canyons Blog

ADV has an ongoing thread I like to dip into at times, asking what the most stupid question you’ve been asked while on your motorcycle. Here are a few more.

• I was once at the Slickrock trailhead in Moab & a Valley Girl asked me: “Do those dirt bikes work on the rock?”
• Again today after having ridden to work I got “Did you ride your bike today” (me with full gear on walking into the building carrying my helmet). I finally cracked and said, “Nope… I’m just REEEEEEEEEALLY careful when I drive.”
• I swear to God, I get this all the time when I pull up on my KLX covered with mud, knobbies and all: “Is that a dirt bike?”
• I stopped by a huge dealership one day to grab something on the way home, still in my one piece leathers, carrying a helmet, and some sales guy asked me if I had a bike. How do you even justify that with a response?
• Not stupid… but about five years ago my buddies and I (sportbikes, full leathers, you know the look) were having breakfast at an IHOP before going on a Sunday ride. As we were getting up to leave, a little boy, maybe about 4 years old, walks right up to one of my buds and goes, “mister, are you a Power Ranger?” I just about died laughing on that one.
• My son used to ride with me and he always wore his helmet into the store he was so pleased to be on the back of a bike. Cashier asked him if he was on a m/c. He said no, I fall down a lot. I was SO proud of him!!
• I was at a local motorcycle shop, and a prospective rider was asking about the different brands of bikes. I was looking though the tires on the rack, minding my own business, when I heard the prospective rider ask the shop employee, “KTM, hmmm, where are those made?”
  “Australia” he responded… I couldn’t take it, so I respectfully interjected:
  “Actually, they are made in Austria.”
  “Really,” the shop employee said, “I thought they were made in Europe.” He was being genuine.
  Geography, without it, you’re nowhere!
• I get to work one very cold day, a girl asks me as I walk into the office with all my gear still on,” did you ride your motorcycle today? ” I replied, no way it’s to cold, so I pushed it in!
• A couple months ago I broke my collarbone. I must have had 10 people ask me “were you wearing a helmet?”
• I get strange looks at stoplights when on my bike but I guess it’s because I have a yellow mohawk on my helmet. I had one woman roll down her window and ask why I had it. I told her that it was for safety. She gave me a strange look and I explained that since she put down her cell phone and looked at me – in disgust – that it had served its purpose. You don’t have to like it, but you do see it. Haven’t had anyone pull out in front of me while I’ve had the mohawk on. I take it off when going to see customers because I want to give a more professional appearance – as best as I can while riding an old school bright yellow superbike.

Biker Quote for Today

I’m not speeding, I’m qualifying.

We were up in Eagle at Willie and Jungle’s earlier this week and to our pleasure and surprise, Mario was there, too. You’ll understand what a surprise this was as I tell you Mario lives in the Yukon. He’s a long way from home.

We met Mario four years ago on a ride Judy and I did with Willie and Jungle and some others up to British Columbia, to Banff and Jasper, along the Ice Fields Parkway. Mario flew in from the Yukon to Calgary, rented a car, met us in Radium Hot Springs, then cruised with us for about five days. Super nice guy.

So among the many things we talked about, Mario told us of a road north of where he lives that had been built across the tundra. I don’t recall if he said anything about the purpose of the road or where it went to and from, but the road itself was the item of interest. First off, it’s hard to build a road across the tundra. As the soil freezes and thaws the road gets lifted, sinks, and you end up with mile after mile of some terrific whoops. Whoops are great fun for a short distance but not something you want to drive on for a couple hundred miles.

To build this road they laid down some kind of fabric as wide as the road was to be and then covered it with sand. We’re talking some honking big rolls of fabric. Let’s see: 18 feet by 150 miles . . .

You can see how this type of road could better handle the freeze and thaw and the shifting. But there was some kink that nobody had expected. In the first couple months it was open, Mario said, the EMTs had to go out something like 50 times because motorcycles had had bad crashes. And primarily these were all heavy cruisers, Harleys mainly. What the heck was going on?

Mario went out to ride the road himself on his Kawasaki KLR 650. Everything was fine at first but then it got to where he felt like he was floating. He came close to crashing but managed to ride it out. What the heck?

Riding on, more cautiously now, the same thing kept happening. He had a hunch, and he pulled over to see if he was right. This is not a busy road so he had to wait awhile but eventually another vehicle came along and he saw just what he expected to see. It was like this.

The fabric material was waterproof, and beneath it, with the sun beating down on the sand, heat permeated and melted the permafrost. This released water, which had nowhere to go so it sat there. When a vehicle would come along some of the water would get pushed along under the fabric, gradually building up to something of a wave, which would start lifting the front end of a motorcycle up–the floating feeling–until such time as the front wheel would go on over the crest of the wave and suddenly the biker was running steeply downhill ahead of the wave. Then you hit level ground at a steep downhill angle and things do not go well.

Once he had this figured out Mario pushed on, cautiously, and eventually found what seemed to be the best way to ride it. He would stand up on the pegs and lean back, like you would on sand going down a hill. Hard to do on a big Harley, but OK on a KLR. So he rode to the end of the road and then turned around and rode back. Fun in the Yukon, huh?

Biker Quote for Today

More people die in their sleep than on motorcycles, so sleep less, ride more.

I’ve been riding with the OFMC for more than 30 years and I’ve seen it grow from Bill and John and me and then shrink to just Bill and Dennis and me. All the guys who are no longer riding with us are still around, they just don’t ride anymore.

That may change soon.

Speaking frankly, I’ve wondered for some time how much longer John will be with us. He has a list of health issues so long I won’t even begin to list it all.

So it was a surprise a couple weeks ago to get a text from Bill about his brother Friggs. Friggs was one of the first additions to the OFMC and was with us for many years. Finally, about four years ago, he went down in a mysterious crash that he still can’t understand. That shook him up enough that once we got home from that trip he sold the bike and that was it.

Anyway, the text from Bill was passing along a text from his niece, Friggs’s daughter, telling the family about the latest news on her dad’s cancer. This was the first the rest of us had heard about it. The cancer was found in his colon, his liver, and in his lymph nodes. From what I have heard about lymph nodes especially, that seems to be a death sentence.

Friggs has been a snow bird for some years now, living with a daughter and her family in Florida in the winter and coming to Colorado in the summer. He was in Denver this past weekend so several of us got together. I went wondering if this would be the last time I would ever see him.

If Friggs thinks he’s facing a death sentence he sure doesn’t show it. He’s getting chemo every two weeks now so that allows him to run out here for a few days. He talked about how the chemo messes with the nerves in his finger tips so when he touches something cold it’s like he has touched a burning coal. Other than that, you’d never know there was a thing wrong.

Maybe it’s just early days but one thing he was doing while here is getting his condo ready to sell because he is planning on buying a house in Florida. Who looks death in the face by buying a house, for pete’s sake!

He had surgery and the doctors say the cancer was caught fairly early so maybe I’m being alarmist here. But as I say, lymph nodes. We’ll keep our fingers crossed for you buddy. I’m not looking forward to putting a black border around any OFMC member’s photo on the website.

Biker Quote for Today

100 reasons not to date a biker: 7. It’s perfectly natural to have a motorcycle parked in the living room.