Passes & Canyons Blog

What’s the weirdest thing you ever hit, or almost hit, on your motorcycle? That’s a thread on Adventure Riders that I like to pass along periodically and I see the last time I did was July, six months ago. Time for another.
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I was lane splitting and decided for some reason to stop splitting, slow down and rejoin the lane to my right, even though the speed of traffic hadn’t changed. A second later the door of a mini-van just ahead to the left opens – yes while still moving – a passenger begins throwing up – that was a close call!
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Back in ’86 I was riding my R100S on the M5 Motorway, traffic was light and I was going well, I saw the car in front of me twitch and then hit his wash/wipe, then a sound like someone throwing a handful of gravel at my visor/screen and I was effectively blinded, some kind of clear goo was covering my visor, a few miles on there was some services, I pulled in and cleaned the goo from my visor, still unsure what I had hit close inspection between the engines cooling fins revealed, I had hit a swarm of bees.
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King Kong’s toilet paper. Headed north on the interstate into Albuquerque a semi truck was hit with a sudden microburst of wind that knocked it on its side. It skidded along the pavement, the back doors came open and ginormous rolls of paper fell out and unrolled everywhere. These things were about 4 ft in diameter and well, similar proportions to toilet paper. Made for some interesting moving obstacle avoidance. Luckily I was far enough back I didn’t get blown over too and could stop in time and help the driver climb out.
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I was riding at the front of a pack of bikes on 27 south of Jackson, MI, headed towards a party/chili fest. I ran over a dead woodchuck which was then launched out from under my bike rearwards into the unsuspecting pack of about 15 bikes, all riding side by side with the odd man following in the middle behind the last two bikes. Mostly Harleys, ATGATT consisted of t-shirts and half helmets. Mr. Woodchuck hit the bike behind me, and was sent through the pack like a stinking, wet, furry pinball. Everybody got some, especially the last guy in the middle who got him right in the chest and was almost knocked off his bike.
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Ripping down the road on a CBR900 in NH with my visor open…hit a moth the size of a bird…it flew right in my helmet and exploded on my face…couldn’t see anything at all…it was wiggling and flapping and oozing down my face…coasted to a stop with my eyes closed…wipped my helmet off and smeared moth goo all over my head…thank God there were no cars on my ass…yanked off my helmet…there was goo everywhere…so nasty…I think it was a Lunar moth…not fun.
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A draft horse that was in the road in Colorado because a mudslide had flattened the fence. As I approached he spun around and I ducked under his head.
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Today while cruising the back roads of NC in the foothills, something catches my eye on my right side. I look over to see a hawk flying helmet high the same speed (30ish) about 4 feet away. It seemed like 5 minutes although it was about 20 seconds that he just flew along side. Trying to look in front of me so as to not hit something else, he all of a sudden flies right in front of my windscreen and scared the shit out of me. Managed to keep it upright. I thought his wing brushed my windscreen he was that close. That will get your heart pumping.
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Driving to my parents house from school saturday afternoon I ran into an entire SWARM of Bras and thongs. All colors, maybe 60 of em. Girl getting picked up by her parents had one of those Target/Walmart plastic cases full of her intimates blow off. That girl has to be PISSED, they looked expensive. Oh, I’m guessing a C cup, for those who wanted to know.
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One of those big, 3″ grasshoppers. Which, in and of itself, doesn’t sound like much. But I caught the damned thing full on in the throat at about 60mph. Little tiny country road with no shoulder and no place to pull over. I wheezed and gagged for what felt like a mile before I found a safe place to pull off. I ordered a windshield the next day.
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Five soccer balls, a Lazy Boy recliner and a couch in the fast lane of I-270 in St. Louis. They fell off of the truck in front of me…the couch was the most challenging to avoid as it exploded into chunks of wood, springs and foam!
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Bread. Lots of bread. Loaves, hamburger buns, hotdog buns, dinner rolls. Scattered all over the highway. I dodged em, but I’m guessing that hitting a large loaf of bread wrapped in plastic would be kinda like hitting an ice patch.
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Just a close call for me… Last week trying to beat the storm clouds home a bolt of lightning hit a transformer I was zipping past…BIG boom lotsa light and sparks everywhere asshole firmly puckered to seat. Then just as I was starting to relax I remembered a small dip in the road ahead. Trying to plan a bit ahead I slid to the inside of the lane to minimize any possible puddle/motorcycle issues. Yup good plan…until I realized water was already half way into the other lane. That’s right two puckers in one simple ride home. and another valuable lesson…an SV1000 can be a jetski on occasion. I drank some rum when I got home.
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I fishied on the guts of a deer yesterday. Interrupted a hot meal being had by the vultures and when one took off, it still had intestine in its clutches. It pulled the the innards across the only part of the road I could go on. Oncoming traffic on the left and a ditch to my right.
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This spring I went on my first ride of the season and was behind a pickup delivering phone books when evidently a box of plastic bags opened up and several hundred came blowing out and right at me. One landed across my face shield blinding me and several wrapped across my arms and chest. I could see just enough of the edge of the road to slow down and stop with out crashing. Last I saw of the truck it was still going and blanketing the highway in a tornado of plastic.
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So there we go. The craziness continues. Be careful out there!

Recent from National Motorcycle Examiner
Top Motorcycle Examiner stories of 2009

Biker Quote for Today

Midnight bugs taste best.

All of us have encountered flying objects or objects in the road ahead of us. It comes with the territory. Awhile back I found a thread on a motorcycle forum where people were asked to tell about their encounters. I did two posts back then, sharing some of the postings with the readers of this blog: Motorcycles and Flying Objects, and More Flying Object Tales.

Well, it’s time for another batch. The thread is alive and continues to receive posts.

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Back in my youth, in the mid 70’s – I was coming back into town from some cowtrailing on my Yamaha 175. Just got to where the road opened up to 4 lane, saw that I was closing in on some oil field trash (top level Merc with dried mud halfway up the windows). They were shedding little bits of mud as they went, so I decided to move to the other lane to miss that – when they hit a bump and let loose quite a mud-clod storm, and this long tubular object the width of the car….that turned out to be a rattlesnake! That bad boy had apparently been all cozy inside their back bumper, all stretched out.

He was doing some interesting spirals as he rolled down the road, and I passed him. Not much other traffic, so he had time to get clear – just glad I didn’t leave near there!

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On the bike I hit a bat that was flying through the woods, hit me in the shoulder, actually hurt a Lot, but didn’t dislodge me, and didn’t kill the bat – which after a moment departed my shoulder.

In the car I drove through a plate glass window which came off the back of a truck.. had it not fallen the way it did – I drove through it like it was a wall before it hit the ground – had it not – had it stayed parallel to the road I’d have been dead.

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I was riding some very curvey roads in east TN and was following a buddy of mine. He scared a hawk that had just made a kill on the side of the road. Who knows, maybe a mouse or something. When my buddy startled it, it took to the sky and came across the road right at me. It swooped up, I ducked down. All I heard were its talons clicking when they hit my helmet. No injuries to either of us.. Just a good story (of course better told in person).

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3 lane highway…noticed a truck about 2 cars ahead in the slow lane…full of old furniture…that “gut” voice said move over to the fast lane…fast…

About 2 min later a coffee table came out and shattered in the middle lane…I missed it completely…

WHEW!!

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Tuesday after work I took my usual dirt detour on the way home over Hog Creek. Right off the bat, had a couple deer run across the road, no biggie, usually see at least a half dozen on this trip.

I get over the first good hill and start down the other side. It’s a pretty good slope with sharp twisty corners and lots of loose gravel. I’m running about 40 mph when all of the sudden a fairly large black bear comes out of nowhere up the bank and almost T-bones me!

I locked the rear and started fish tailing and I yelled out WHOOOOAAAA! The bear turned and ran a few yards in front of me before heading down a near vertical cat slide.

I got off the brakes and gave her some throttle and saved myself from going down. I was feeling a little edgy though and the ol’ ticker was getting a good workout
So I stopped up on the next hill and drank an Obsidian Stout to calm the nerves.

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* Sheet of plywood, skimming along in front of me at about 50mph – when I swerved, it drifted my way, etc – Wonder what would have happened if I’d tried to ride straight over it?
* Burning truck tire in the middle lane of a near-deserted M4 at 1:00am in the pouring rain – Wafting smoke obscured it until I was almost right on top of it – Smelled it before I could see it. – Caused a bit of a pucker
* Found a box of high-explosive shaped charges laying by the side of I-10 on my way to work one day – Didn’t nearly hit them and wasn’t on bike but it was certainly unusual – Picked them all up, put them back in the box and in back of my truck then called State Police. Had an interesting conversation with trooper when he finally got there.
* Empty plastic garbage can blew right in front of me on a city street at about 45 mph – Big GS and I blasted right through it with a bang – Saw lots of bits in mirror – No damage to me or bike.

Biker Quote for Today

Everyone is trying to kill you. Really TRYING.