Passes & Canyons Blog

I haven’t gone after this thread in a while: What stupid things do people ask you when you’re on your motorcycle? Let’s dig in.

• A guy in a weird car with lights and stuff, stops me and asks: Do you know how fast you were going?
• The other day in a shopping center parking lot, a guy asks me if that is my bike. As I’m mounting up, I say “no…but it’s about to be.”
• A few years ago, I was refueling in West Yellowstone on a bleak, 45° very rainy day. Across the pump island, was the father of a bunch gassing up the family minivan. The Dodge was literally rocking from all the kids jumping around inside. Mr. Griswold looked over at me, kinda smirked and said, “I’ll bet you’d like to trade with me right now.” I smiled and said, “Let me ask you: Has every day of your marriage been like your honeymoon?” He thought for a second and replied, “I get it.”
• When people ask me how fast my bike can go, I usually say, “I don’t know.” People don’t really know how to respond, so they just look at me. Sometimes they’ll ask me in a condescending tone how I don’t know, then I’ll tell them, “I may be slow, but I’m alive.”
• Situation: It’s getting toward dusk/dinner time, and has begun to rain. Q: “How are you going to get home?!?” A: “I put on my pants, jacket, helmet, gloves, turn the key, start the engine, then start my normal riding onto the road from the parking lot, and take the way I normally take. Its really quite simple.” Questioner: “Huh?”
• A few years back I was riding with 2 buddies in the Texas Hill County. As we approached a town we slowed down. Unfortunately not enough as the cop clocked us at 101. Another mph and we would have been arrested. The stupid question came when the cop asked how fast the bikes could go. Given the situation we declined to answer.
• I usually leave my helmet on when I ride the elevator on my way to work, to free up my hands and not bang it into the sides of the crowded elevator. So this guy says “You ride your motorcycle to work today?” and I said “No, just being real safe in my truck!”
• Many moons ago while on a Suzuki a guy walks by and says, wow, I didn’t know Suzuki used the same motors as Kawasaki’s, looking puzzled I assured him that they each made their own power plants, he said no they both use motors made by “Dohock,” as he pointed to the DOHC cast into the end cover.
• I was asked the dreaded “Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?” by an LAPD motor officer. I had been making way too good of time down a mid morning freeway (about 90 indicated) and I actually laughed and said “I sure do.” Ended up with a warning and a nice conversation with a fellow rider.
• Q: “Did you drive them all the way from Germany?” A: “Yes, but we had to change the water tires in New York.”

People say there are no stupid questions. I’m not so sure.

Biker Quote for Today

“Animals travel on all fours. Mankind on two. Motorcycling is not a means of transport but an ideology, a nomadic way of life.” -– Amit Reddy

In a lot of instances you’ll hear that there are no stupid questions and that’s because it’s not stupid to ask if you don’t understand. At times, though, the answer seems so obvious that you do have to wonder. Adventure Rider has a thread for people to post the stupid questions they have been asked and I’ve dipped into it before. Here are some more.

• The one I seem to get most often is: “Nice bike, who makes KTM?” At first I tried to explain it to people. Now I just tell them KTM is my initials and that I put it together in my garage.
• At the end of August, I was on a group ride in the Gorge with about 6 other guys, all dressed in various types of MC gear. It is a blazing summer day, 95+ degrees. We stop for ice cream at Cascade Locks. I’m trying to take a group pic when a woman comes up, points at my day-glo yellow mesh jacket and asks in an incredulous tone: “Have you boys been skiing?”
• The Kawi Voyager XII has louvers in the lowers and of course the question is ” Does that have A/C?” “Yes it does, A/C in the winter and heat in the summer.” Some get it, others, not so much.
• A cute little blond girlie with large mammaries, sidles up to me as I was donning my gear after quaffing a cold beer and asks “Would you take me for a ride on your bike?” Duh!
• Had a girl ask me not long ago how i was able to get my pipes such a pretty blue color!
• “Alberta, what state is that in?”
• Can’t tell you how many times I have just gotten off my bike (I’m wearing my one-piece Aerostich) during the summer months and somebody just has to ask: “Are you cold?” Standard answer: “I’m freezing, aren’t you?”
• Him: That run OK? Me: You didn’t see me push it here now did you?
• Lady: what’s that wire for coming out of your jacket? (electric vest) Wise-ass answer: that’s a booster for my pacemaker.
• Dumbest thing was a 20ish year old guy’s comments at a gas station. He looks at my boxer and says, “must be fast with 2 big ‘motors’ like that.”

OK, what’s your vote? Are there stupid questions or not?

Biker Quote for Today

What kind of a motorcycle does a pirate ride? An Arrrrley Davidson.

ADV has an ongoing thread I like to dip into at times, asking what the most stupid question you’ve been asked while on your motorcycle. Here are a few more.

• I was once at the Slickrock trailhead in Moab & a Valley Girl asked me: “Do those dirt bikes work on the rock?”
• Again today after having ridden to work I got “Did you ride your bike today” (me with full gear on walking into the building carrying my helmet). I finally cracked and said, “Nope… I’m just REEEEEEEEEALLY careful when I drive.”
• I swear to God, I get this all the time when I pull up on my KLX covered with mud, knobbies and all: “Is that a dirt bike?”
• I stopped by a huge dealership one day to grab something on the way home, still in my one piece leathers, carrying a helmet, and some sales guy asked me if I had a bike. How do you even justify that with a response?
• Not stupid… but about five years ago my buddies and I (sportbikes, full leathers, you know the look) were having breakfast at an IHOP before going on a Sunday ride. As we were getting up to leave, a little boy, maybe about 4 years old, walks right up to one of my buds and goes, “mister, are you a Power Ranger?” I just about died laughing on that one.
• My son used to ride with me and he always wore his helmet into the store he was so pleased to be on the back of a bike. Cashier asked him if he was on a m/c. He said no, I fall down a lot. I was SO proud of him!!
• I was at a local motorcycle shop, and a prospective rider was asking about the different brands of bikes. I was looking though the tires on the rack, minding my own business, when I heard the prospective rider ask the shop employee, “KTM, hmmm, where are those made?”
  “Australia” he responded… I couldn’t take it, so I respectfully interjected:
  “Actually, they are made in Austria.”
  “Really,” the shop employee said, “I thought they were made in Europe.” He was being genuine.
  Geography, without it, you’re nowhere!
• I get to work one very cold day, a girl asks me as I walk into the office with all my gear still on,” did you ride your motorcycle today? ” I replied, no way it’s to cold, so I pushed it in!
• A couple months ago I broke my collarbone. I must have had 10 people ask me “were you wearing a helmet?”
• I get strange looks at stoplights when on my bike but I guess it’s because I have a yellow mohawk on my helmet. I had one woman roll down her window and ask why I had it. I told her that it was for safety. She gave me a strange look and I explained that since she put down her cell phone and looked at me – in disgust – that it had served its purpose. You don’t have to like it, but you do see it. Haven’t had anyone pull out in front of me while I’ve had the mohawk on. I take it off when going to see customers because I want to give a more professional appearance – as best as I can while riding an old school bright yellow superbike.

Biker Quote for Today

I’m not speeding, I’m qualifying.

It turns out that I have drawn from this Adventure Rider thread more recently than I remembered. Oh well, there’s a lot more where this came from. The idea is, what stupid questions have people asked you when you’re on your bike and stop somewhere? Here are some of them.

• Who makes Triumph? (I get this one a lot at gas stations).
• Stupid woman: “Motorcycles are dangerous!”
  Me: “Don’t you mean ‘riding motorcycles is dangerous’?”
  SW: “Yes.”
  Me: “Most people die in bed. So, where do you sleep?”
• In ’64 my buddy and I rolled up to the ranger’s hut at the Wildrose Station entrance to Death Valley on a pair of Vespa 125s on our way from San Jose to the Grand Canyon. Hard to mistake those Vespas – floor board / fairing front end with “VESPA” in big letters. The ranger leans out and comments,
  “Hondas, huh? How do they take the hills?”
• Got the Classic again last week.
  Nitwit “What is that?”
  Me “KTM 950 Adventure”
  Nitwit “Who makes it?”
  Me “KTM”
  Nitwit “Oh Its a Kawasaki”
  Me “Uhm,,,,,, Yeah”
  Pulled my helmet on and rode away laughing
• Stopped at a stop light in ATGATT. Crotch Rocket Guy pulls up next to me in T-shirt, shorts, and sneaks.
  CRG: “Planning on falling down?”
  Me: “Nope. Planning on getting up if I do.”
• Had a girl ask me not long ago how I was able to get my pipes such a pretty blue color!
• Riding to work each day in winter, other employees getting out of their cars in the parking lot without coats or jackets would ask me, “Aren’t you cold?”
  Nope, I’m the one with the warm coat.
• The receptionist has asked me if it’s hard to keep the motorcycle upright and if I can go as fast as a car.
• I stopped at a deli the other day and this woman looked at my jacket & boots and asked me if I was going skiing.
• A guy walks up from the rear of the bike and asks “How far of a trip are you on this time” I am less than 5 miles from the house, no luggage, tank bag, or anything strapped down on the tail rack, and I have Indiana plates on the bike in Indiana.
• Does that jacket make you hot?
  Nawww… but my wife thinks it does.

Biker Quote for Today

You know you’re a biker if you own more black T-shirts then underwear.

I’ve only mined this ADV thread a few times so there’s a lot here. The theme is “Stupid questions people ask you when stopped.” Here are a few, although some people get off the train of the question.

Out for a ride?
Nope, pushed it here just to hang out…

Pulling up at lights, gas stations, etc. – I guess because I’m only 5’4, 115 pds, and female.
“Do you ride that thing?”
I usually just look at them, or say, “Yea – why not?”
Perhaps I should come up with something snappier, like….
“No – I just push it around, so I can sit on it at stoplights.”

The comment that gets me is “That’s a murdercycle!” or something similar. When someone tries to tell me how DANGEROUS my Bandit is, that one day I will die on her, I simply reply “well, my best friend died in a car crash, as did my Grandfather. I don’t trust cars!”
If they keep going on about it, I tell them I’d rather die on my bike, doing what I love, than driving in my car on the way to Safeway.
So far all I get from those comments are blank stares.

There are so many TYPES of questions. Some nice, some smart-assed some incredibly stupid. I got asked by some smart-assed kid what my ADV sticker meant today and used someone else’s reply of “Antisocial, Disturbed and Violent and that it was court ordered” This kids eyes got big and then he just walked away while looking over his shoulder. Guy sittin’ on the bench was in tears laughing when I turned around. I just grinned and went in the store.

I stopped in at the little camp store on Mount Pisgah on the Blue Ridge Parkway Saturday and chatted with a guy who was sitting out front taking in the scene.
He was on a Honda Shadow (a 600 cc or so bike). He said that when people ask him why he doesn’t have a Harley, he says, “I can’t afford all of them t-shirts!”

LEO: License Please.
ME: (already have it out and hand it over)
LEO: I have you on radar going 74 in a 50, do you know how fast you were going?
ME: Huh, are you asking for a second opinion? Cause I might have a conflict of interest.
He didn’t think this was funny, it cost me.

You ride a motorcycle? (Amazing how often I hear this walking to or from my bike.)
No, this stuff protects me from hyenas.

Stupidest question has to be when I ride up on my Commando with the big fuel injection emblems on it, and some says “I see it says fuel injection….what kind of carburetors do you have on it.”

My least favorite: “Do you know why I stopped you, Mr.Wade?”

This is a little bit of a tangent. Being on the other side as a motor cop, I nearly got hit turning around and when I got to the driver’s door, I asked the driver “Do you know why I stopped you?” When he said no, I had forgotten and had to say, “Neither do I, thank you for stopping and please drive safely.”

Biker Quote for Today

Life without a motorcycle is no life at all.

I was looking around on Adventure Rider and ran across a thread titled “Stupid questions people ask you when stopped.” Some of them were pretty good so I figured I’d pass a few along here.

The guy starting the thread rides a BMW and he offered several:
Sir, is that a real BMW or it’s just the badge?
Duuuuude, does your bike has two engines?! (asked a number of times, I usually try to explain the boxer design, but if all fails I tell them the right one is the turbocharger)
Since when does BMW make motorcycles?

Then this one is from a woman rider:
Is that your motorcycle? Did you ride that here all by yourself?

How about this:
I stopped at an intersection and a teenager walked up to me and said, “Can I take it around the block?”
My response.” What?? No way.”
His response, “Hey, I’m not playin”
I just laughed and rode off. People are insane.

Here is, as the fellow says, a Ural specific one:
Is that real?

And in the category of “you just don’t get it”:
As I was pulling my helmet on a dude walked up and asked ‘What kind of bike is that?’ I looked down at the tank on my Commando that has large gold letters saying ‘Norton’ and said, ‘it’s a Norton.’ He looked it over once again and asked ‘Is that made by Harley or Honda?’

And this:
The dumbest thing I ever got asked is, “Can you pull a wheelie on that thing or are you too scared?”

This hasn’t happened to me, at least not yet, but I guess it could:
I had a 9 or 10 year old boy ask me if I “get a lot of chicks with that.” This while on my Vstrom with my wife on the back!

Of course we’ve all heard this one:
Aren’t motorcycles dangerous?

Sometimes it’s the responses that are good:
I walk into Starbucks (my regular one) this afternoon, helmet in hand.
“Do you ride a bike?” asks the fine young man.
“No, I’m just very clumsy” I reply.

And this:
I suppose this is a somewhat reasonable question, but someone once asked me what kept me from flying off the bike when I hit a bump. My reply?
“Gravity.”

On another note:
When are you getting some pipes? I could barely hear ya pull up.

And another in the response category:
My new response when I get to school wearing ATGATT:
“You ride today?”
“No, I took the jet.

OK, enough for today. We’ll come back for some more some other time.

Biker Quote for Today

“That’s all the motorcycle is, a system of concepts worked out in steel.” — Robert M. Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance