Passes & Canyons Blog

This is nothing like the herd we ran into on the OFMC trip a few years ago.

I’m going to share a secret: When I don’t have any thoughts on something to write about I fall back on a few tried and true topics. This is one of those times. It’s time for the latest in strange things bikers have hit, courtesy of the Adventure Riders forum.

We all know there are hazards on the road out there. Here are some that other folks have actually encountered.

• Wile E. Coyote. Riding an HP2 I had just bought in Denton Texas. Just outside Midland Texas on I-20. There was a ton of traffic and it was gusty as hell. :eek1 I tucked in behind an 18 wheeler and then a dickweed got right on my ass. I got closer to the semi but the wind buffeting was making it rough at 65-70 mph we were running. I eased over into the center of the lane where it was much smoother and started to back off the semi. Just as I did the semi trailer seemed to do a slight swerve and it caught my attention. Just then a coyote came rolling down the dead center of the lane like a rolling pin. The truck rolled him and all I had the time to do was grab a breath and relax. I felt a slight thump as I rolled right over him mid-section. I heard the ass behind me lock them up but didn’t look to see what happened. I was just ecstatic that I didn’t go down and was alive. I laughed till I was crying. Strange days in West Texas!
• Around 3am, while driving in left lane of an interstate and in a very dark rural area, a male jumped up from tall grass in the center median. He was shirtless, in jeans and had very long hair. He ran into my lane while swinging a sock over his head, with a heavy object inside. He missed me and I missed him by inches, swerving sharply right to avoid him- scared the hell out of me as I tried to maintain control with left and right sliding.
• Went to pick up my wife’s then new CM400A, and we stopped for dinner. parked next to the car, and took off my helmet. Bike was still idling. Put my helmet ont he mirror, and it started going forward. I was dumstruck on what to do other than hobble along with it and finally cut the engine, after i hopped the curb and hit the door.
• Years ago on a long ride up to the Yukon in very heavy rain I’m sure I was passed by a forty ton goldfish. I found somewhere to sleep soon after that.
• Just recently had the contents of the rear axle on a semi spat at me, almost took me out for keeps.
• I came around a tight dirt corner and had just enough time to see him before I ran him over. Stretched out six foot long bull snake, but they look like rattlers from a dirt bike. He arched a horseshoe like in a cartoon. Scared the crap outa me.
• My face…….. After learning why rebound valving is important and slowwwwwwwwwwly sliding over front fender as 1984 CR125 plodded merrily along in 5th gear.
• It was a flying armadillo. While riding through LA (lower Arkansas) one night late, the Ford Explorer in front of me swerved towards the shoulder. Well, an armadillo LAUNCHED from his R rear wheel straight towards me. I was riding up pretty high on a 1100GS. It came directly over the windscreen and I was just able to duck or it would have easily taken me off the bike. I was pushing on to Texarkana but after that I stopped at the next motel.
• Me… About 1/2 mile in to the start of a desert race along with about 400 others. I killed my bike on the start and was near the back of the pack, wound out on my 1989 CR500 trying to make up for lost time (I had the hole-shot the year before). Too late I saw a big rock and nailed it straight on. Flew over the bars and bounced – several times. Ended up sitting upright facing forward. A split second later the lights went out. My bike hit me square in the back. I woke up looking at the sky wondering when the feeling would come back. Luckily only a concussion.

You know the deal: be careful out there. You never know what might be around that next curve.

Biker Quote for Today

If you think riding gets the adrenalin pumping, try getting a wasp in your helmet.

Yeah, aren't you glad you weren't coming the other direction right at this moment!

It’s been quite a while so I figured it was time to see what weird stuff people have encountered on the road lately. This is from an Adventure Riders thread. Weirdness ahead.

• We pulled out of the restaurant and headed down the road with a little bit of on-coming traffic. One of those vehicles was a small pickup truck (think the old Rangers or Toyotas) with a canoe on a top rack and tied to each bumper. As we closed on the truck, the rope on the rear bumper came loose, the canoe lifted off the rack, came down on our side of the truck and swung out across our lane, sweeping the road. Not much of a shoulder on those country roads so we all headed for the ditch. I don’t remember anyone getting hurt but I do remember having to pull a couple of those bikes back up on the pavement.
• Two traffic barrels with the ST1300. I thought I was being clever… just a tad too fast for the maneuver. I got to look like a jackass in front of a bunch of stopped traffic. Had to stop about a mile down the road to re-attach my mirror housings.
• Whilst riding through some of the most beautiful New Zealand scenery early one winters morning just out of Queenstown a sheep fell from an 40-50 foot cliff and landed on my handle bars sending me an my new Suzuki GT750 down the road. I didn’t have a clue what happened but a following driver reported it as she saw the lot. Damage was surprising minimal to the bike as the sheep some how fell under the bike and literally wore itself out protecting my bike.
• While riding down an icy back road at 45 mph on my 125 Honda following a snowmobile his track broke and came out and up right at my head. I ducked and it just barely cleared my head. He crashed in a ditch, no brakes!
• Almost got decapitated once by a slab of ice 7 feet wide by 18 feet long that slid off the roof of a bread truck.
• My dad was giving a guy a ride one time, and a bird was flying across the road… He yelled duck! And then pasted himself to the tank. The guy on the back, he was looking straight up trying to find the duck… Took him right off the bike. Just a little bird – imagine what a flying turkey could do!
• Big fat buzzard at 60mph. It blasted about $500 worth of lights right of my bike. Stupid jerk buzzard.
• 17 yrs old…driving home from work on the QEW in Burlington, ON….averaging around 125km/h on my ’78 CB750F Super sport….pickup in front of me hits a bump and an empty 5 gal bucket goes straight up out of his box and tumbles end over end in the air and takes me full in the chest…. felt like I got hit with a 2×4 across the ribs…kept on trucking and now have a bucket sitting straight up on my gas tank against my chest between my arms…wtf??…. took the next offramp and threw it in the ditch….a few bruises…
• A green heron, from behind. I was riding my KTM along the edge of a corn field. There was some tall grass and a small stream on my right. He bolted out of the stream, then turned and headed in the same direction as me, but I overtook him and he landed in my lap. I’m still not sure who was more surprised. He donated a few feathers, squawked a bit and then thundered off.
• Many Moons Ago I Decided to race a small (3ft) kangaroo hopping parallel to a dirt road I was riding. When we got to about 30mph he decided to hop on to my tank! WTF for a moment there we were eye ball to eye ball. Not wearing the right cloths he gashed my leg as we crashed, he left me to ride my bike into the ground.

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OK, those last three have some interesting similarities. Strange stuff.

And now I have a quote that I also pulled out of this thread.

Biker Quote for Today

When it comes to deciding to hit or avoid animals, the rule is if you can eat it all in one sitting then hit, if multiple then try to avoid.

I didn't come close to hitting this guy, but he was standing only about 15 feet away as I carefully slipped by him. And this was in Nebraska!

What’s the strangest thing you ever hit–or nearly hit–on your bike? That’s the question that launched a long-running thread on the Adventure Riders forum, and periodically I go there to pass along some of the more interesting things people tell about. Let’s go!

OK, enough fun and games for today. (Yeah, fun. Right.) As we all know, it’s dangerous out there. Be careful.

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Biker Quote for Today

Your attitude makes an adventure out of a difficult situation. So, its all in your head.

Riding dirt near Gunnison.

Wow, it’s been more than a year since the last time I did one of these. The question posed in this thread on the Adventure Riders forum was, “What is the strangest thing you’ve ever run into on the road?” Here are some of the more interesting and oddest responses.
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I was on my CB1000, my buddy was on his Goldwing (1500?). Late at night on I-75 making tracks back to Chattanooga from British in the Blue Ridge. He tags an alligator with the chin spoiler of his GW. The gator flips up in the air all slow motion like. It’s comin’ right for me but I had no time to react. It went by my head at 75+ mph. Seemed like it was inches away, It may have actually been 2 feet. Either way the pucker factor was quite high.
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Doing a high speed run on my 87 GSXR907 Big Bore went through a flock of finches at over 170. Yeah I had some bruises.
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Couple of years ago…. large sheet of painter’s plastic in the highway, kicked up just perfectly by a cage in front of me. Hung there like a shower curtain as I plowed right into it. Had to move over three lanes blindly, through traffic, to get to the right hand shoulder and stop so I could peel it off of me and the bike.
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A whole flock of white leghorn chickens decided to cross the road. Left a LOT of white feathers!
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I was riding in a 35mph zone at the edge of town when I was sure I was about to hit a dove. We were on a collision course when a hawk swooped in and changed the dove’s course to parallel mine. The outcome for the dove was the same, but the hawk & I were happy.
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Four of us are riding along one day. I’m the second guy. We come around a curve and there’s this huge dead black snake in the road. I went to point it out with my right foot and inadvertently kicked it up. It goes sailing and wraps all over the guy behind me. He almost shit himself.
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Riding down through Pennsylvania to visit a friend in Bethlehem, a loud ‘thwack’ announced the impact of a firefly on my face shield, then two more. I shut the lights off for a moment to confirm that the green glowing effect all over my field of vision was not a hallucination.

Want one scarier? Similar road winding alongside the Big Thompson River heading up to Estes Park, Colorado. Something snapped across my face shield that left a respectable gouge in the plastic. Turns out it was a fly fisherman’s line with a fly & hook on the end of it!
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There must have been 50 geese crossing the road 3 to 4 deep. I came around the curve at 70 mph and there they were. I went thru them, but missed hitting any of them. They scattered around and went on off the road before anything else happened. The “Highway Grandfathers” were looking over my ass this morning.
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I was hauling ass down a fire road in my younger days, just about to run over a yucca stalk when it started wiggling. It was a friggin 6′ rattlesnake sunning itself on the road. I don’t think I helped it any hitting it square in the middle but I didn’t stop to ask if he was OK.
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Heading home from a long day in the saddle. Sun had just set and was pretty close to being dark outside. All of a sudden the rear of my bike rose up as if I hit a speed bump. The front tire never hit anything. It scared me, but after a few minutes I forgot about it. Until I got home that is. The stench of skunk all over my rear wheel was too much to take. I had to let the bike sleep outside that night. Never even saw the critter. Lucky my front wheel didn’t hit him!

Yeah, hey. The stuff that goes on out there! Ride carefully, OK?

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Biker Quote for Today

Trials is an amazing sport. You can get hurt really really bad without even leaving the campsite!

What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever run into on the road on your bike? By now several thousand Adventure Riders members have weighed in with their stories. It’s time to pass along a few more.
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I was on my normal commute on one of the coldest days of the year last winter.(17degrees on my home thermometer) The air was dry and my KLR seemed to be running extra good that morning. As I was rounding one of my favorite peg dragging corners the front pussed out then I totally lost the rear.I managed to save it after doing some weeding on the shoulder. I turned around to see what upset me and to my suprise (discust) I discovered that someone had puked in the middle of the road and it had frozen solid. Leaving a 3-4 foot round sheet of ice.
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An airborne 12′ aluminium dinghy with roof racks attached. I almost hit it! I was following the offending vehicle, just about to turn of the Kwinana Fwy heading north onto Canning Hwy. Just crossed the Mt Henry bridge and I thought….that dinghy is loose, that dinghy is flying, that dinghy is going to hit me in the face……..it did a loop the loop and landed in the lane next to me, upside down sliding along on the roof racks…..cars going everywhere…it was peak hour!! Moral of this story…..never follow closely behind boats when on bikes. If I had been two car lengths closer or a little faster….bammm.
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I broadsided a police car at about 40 mph that turned left in front of me while I was splitting lanes.
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A car raced past me and I thought ‘That bozo put the skis on the rack backwards!’ Tips forward and up!! There were 3 or 4 pairs and the whole set up was shaking like crazy… moments later the skis achieved enough lift to tear the racks off the car and everything went airborne. Fortunately for me, I managed to avoid everything, but it was quite a light show when they hit the highway at 120 km/h or so.
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When I was in college, late ’80s, I rode a ’78 RD400. I was heading home on the interstate. I liked to draft behind semis or big trucks. I was tucked in behind a loaded horse trailer at about 75 mph. All of a sudden up goes the horse tail and he proceeded to crap right in front of me.
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One second, I’m cruising down the road, not a care in the world, and the next, I’m laying flat of my back looking up and wondering what the hell just happened. According to the guy behind me, this big-assed buzzard came swooping down out of the sky headed toward some chunk of road-kill and buzzard and I intersected.
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While backroading up in Oregon, I came around a particularly fast, tight corner and narrowly missed a REFRIGERATOR sitting in the middle of the road. About 4-5 turns later, I passed a guy standing next to an empty flatbed pickup truck. He was inspecting his broken load straps with a very confused look on his face.
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Fellow I know and was rooming with – riding a long distance motorcycle rally: Riding down the super slab at night, he was dangling his feet from his ST1100, to relieve leg cramps. Suddenly, WHAM, his foot is hit by something on the pavement. Stopping to evaluate, he notices porcupine quills spiked in to his riding boots. I only heard the story from him, but I saw the quills permanently installed in to his boots. Imagine a squid doing that with flip flops!
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A boulder rolling down a hill on highway 20 going towards Truckee. It was traveling in a straight line right in the middle of the lane, going about 20mph. It was huge, I was afraid to pass it in case it took a weird wobble and crushed me. I followed it for at least a quarter mile before it went off the side.
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Almost hit = large Hog that jumped out of the back of the truck in front of me.

All right. Just a reminder to be careful out there.

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Biker Quote for Today

ATGATT: “Because the only crumple zones on a motorcycle are YOU.”

Every now and then I dip into this well. The original question posted on the Adventure Riders forum was “What is the strangest thing you hit/almost hit?” Here are some more of the replies.

After some of the stories here I hardly feel like my skunk kills are worth mentioning, but it is important to note that if you hit them square in the head with your front tire your bike hardly moves and they die before they can spray you.
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Hit a porcupine last weekend, was fun fixing 2 flat tires on the side of the road. Used every bit of my patch kit. 11 punctures in two tires. Spent most the time pulling quills out of the tires. Porcupine walked away.
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I cut a poodle in half. No BS. I was going through the gears on a sidestreet when a poodle ran out to attack me. I was clicking into 5th on my RD400. I thought I would run it over and crash, but it just split right in two. I must have hit it just right! I felt a little bad, but there was nothing I could do.
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A railroad tie… In the middle of I-30 coming out of Texas. Totaled a full dress HD and didn’t do wife and I any good either. Superslab at 75mph is more fun to ride than slide…
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Blastin’ the Mississippi back roads on a GSXR 1000, exiting a blind sweeper at about 110, only to find an old lady on a riding lawn mower leading a goat down the middle of the blacktop. No time to brake, made the pass with at least an inch to spare.
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Riding down a country road in Southern Maryland, a bird flies out of the bushes and right into my front (spoked) wheel while I’m doing about 60. Made a sound like shuffling cards and burst into a cloud of feathers.
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Great Words of Wisdom….Don’t follow closely to a full cattle truck…and pass way wide …came up on a slow one and just I went for the pass, I swear every cow in the upper deck took a piss…and they say that smells like money.
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A 1/2″ sheet of ice as wide and long as the trailer roof on a tractor trailer. Truck is in the on ramp, sumpin told me to move to the far left of three lanes. I see the ice lift up and glide/hoover down. It hit the center lane and broke up into three or four spinning sheets, which broke up into ten or twelve spinning sheets. By the time I rode through it in the far left lane it was about 100 spinning chunks of ice.
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A box of intravenous fluids flew off the back of a truck on the highway. A box of 12, each bag 1L = 12kg at speed. I ducked to let it pass over my right shoulder. How ironic would it be to get hit by an infusion bag!
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1992 kid shot a skateboard out into the street just as I went by. I hit it, and down I went. Man was I pissed.

OK, that’s all for now. I’ll end with this bit of wisdom offered on the thread: Rule of thumb is if it’s small enough to eat in one sitting you can pretty much hit it without worrying….haven’t tested that, heard it from an MSF dude.

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Biker Quote for Today

If you break your visor you know its a good crash — Danny Laporte

What’s the weirdest thing you ever hit, or almost hit, on your motorcycle? That’s a thread on Adventure Riders that I like to pass along periodically and I see the last time I did was July, six months ago. Time for another.
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I was lane splitting and decided for some reason to stop splitting, slow down and rejoin the lane to my right, even though the speed of traffic hadn’t changed. A second later the door of a mini-van just ahead to the left opens – yes while still moving – a passenger begins throwing up – that was a close call!
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Back in ’86 I was riding my R100S on the M5 Motorway, traffic was light and I was going well, I saw the car in front of me twitch and then hit his wash/wipe, then a sound like someone throwing a handful of gravel at my visor/screen and I was effectively blinded, some kind of clear goo was covering my visor, a few miles on there was some services, I pulled in and cleaned the goo from my visor, still unsure what I had hit close inspection between the engines cooling fins revealed, I had hit a swarm of bees.
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King Kong’s toilet paper. Headed north on the interstate into Albuquerque a semi truck was hit with a sudden microburst of wind that knocked it on its side. It skidded along the pavement, the back doors came open and ginormous rolls of paper fell out and unrolled everywhere. These things were about 4 ft in diameter and well, similar proportions to toilet paper. Made for some interesting moving obstacle avoidance. Luckily I was far enough back I didn’t get blown over too and could stop in time and help the driver climb out.
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I was riding at the front of a pack of bikes on 27 south of Jackson, MI, headed towards a party/chili fest. I ran over a dead woodchuck which was then launched out from under my bike rearwards into the unsuspecting pack of about 15 bikes, all riding side by side with the odd man following in the middle behind the last two bikes. Mostly Harleys, ATGATT consisted of t-shirts and half helmets. Mr. Woodchuck hit the bike behind me, and was sent through the pack like a stinking, wet, furry pinball. Everybody got some, especially the last guy in the middle who got him right in the chest and was almost knocked off his bike.
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Ripping down the road on a CBR900 in NH with my visor open…hit a moth the size of a bird…it flew right in my helmet and exploded on my face…couldn’t see anything at all…it was wiggling and flapping and oozing down my face…coasted to a stop with my eyes closed…wipped my helmet off and smeared moth goo all over my head…thank God there were no cars on my ass…yanked off my helmet…there was goo everywhere…so nasty…I think it was a Lunar moth…not fun.
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A draft horse that was in the road in Colorado because a mudslide had flattened the fence. As I approached he spun around and I ducked under his head.
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Today while cruising the back roads of NC in the foothills, something catches my eye on my right side. I look over to see a hawk flying helmet high the same speed (30ish) about 4 feet away. It seemed like 5 minutes although it was about 20 seconds that he just flew along side. Trying to look in front of me so as to not hit something else, he all of a sudden flies right in front of my windscreen and scared the shit out of me. Managed to keep it upright. I thought his wing brushed my windscreen he was that close. That will get your heart pumping.
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Driving to my parents house from school saturday afternoon I ran into an entire SWARM of Bras and thongs. All colors, maybe 60 of em. Girl getting picked up by her parents had one of those Target/Walmart plastic cases full of her intimates blow off. That girl has to be PISSED, they looked expensive. Oh, I’m guessing a C cup, for those who wanted to know.
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One of those big, 3″ grasshoppers. Which, in and of itself, doesn’t sound like much. But I caught the damned thing full on in the throat at about 60mph. Little tiny country road with no shoulder and no place to pull over. I wheezed and gagged for what felt like a mile before I found a safe place to pull off. I ordered a windshield the next day.
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Five soccer balls, a Lazy Boy recliner and a couch in the fast lane of I-270 in St. Louis. They fell off of the truck in front of me…the couch was the most challenging to avoid as it exploded into chunks of wood, springs and foam!
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Bread. Lots of bread. Loaves, hamburger buns, hotdog buns, dinner rolls. Scattered all over the highway. I dodged em, but I’m guessing that hitting a large loaf of bread wrapped in plastic would be kinda like hitting an ice patch.
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Just a close call for me… Last week trying to beat the storm clouds home a bolt of lightning hit a transformer I was zipping past…BIG boom lotsa light and sparks everywhere asshole firmly puckered to seat. Then just as I was starting to relax I remembered a small dip in the road ahead. Trying to plan a bit ahead I slid to the inside of the lane to minimize any possible puddle/motorcycle issues. Yup good plan…until I realized water was already half way into the other lane. That’s right two puckers in one simple ride home. and another valuable lesson…an SV1000 can be a jetski on occasion. I drank some rum when I got home.
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I fishied on the guts of a deer yesterday. Interrupted a hot meal being had by the vultures and when one took off, it still had intestine in its clutches. It pulled the the innards across the only part of the road I could go on. Oncoming traffic on the left and a ditch to my right.
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This spring I went on my first ride of the season and was behind a pickup delivering phone books when evidently a box of plastic bags opened up and several hundred came blowing out and right at me. One landed across my face shield blinding me and several wrapped across my arms and chest. I could see just enough of the edge of the road to slow down and stop with out crashing. Last I saw of the truck it was still going and blanketing the highway in a tornado of plastic.
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So there we go. The craziness continues. Be careful out there!

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Biker Quote for Today

Midnight bugs taste best.