Motorcycle Humor

February 9th, 2015
Bikes On The Highway

Ride we must.

I was diddling around on Sunday and googled “motorcycle humor.” Do you have any idea how many sites there are out there with biker jokes?

It seems the all-time champion in the most-told category is the one about the heart surgeon and the mechanic. You know (don’t you?), the one where the surgeon gets the last word in saying his work is like replacing the engine while working through the tailpipe with the engine running.

That one gets told everywhere.

So if case you’re interested, here are a few more, with links to the sites where I found them.

This is from BlackDogDualsport.com.
Stranded On An Island: A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, “It’s not a ship.” The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, “It’s not a boat.” The speck gets even closer and he thinks, “It’s not a raft.” Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She comes up to the guy and she says, “How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”

“Ten years!” he says.

She reaches over, unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, “Man, oh man! Is that good!”

Then she asks, “How long has it been since you’ve had a drink of whiskey?”

He replies, “Ten years!”

She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.

He takes a long swig and says, “Wow, that’s fantastic!”

Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, “And how long has it been since you’ve had some REAL fun?”

And the man replies, “My God! Don’t tell me you’ve got a motorcycle in there!”
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Here’s one from motoroads.com
Once upon a time there was a frog who lived in a lake all by himself. He had been given special powers by a local witch. One day he finally ventured out of the lake to get his first glimpse of the world outside. The first thing he saw was a bear chasing a rabbit and so he called out to them and asked them to stop. Then he said to them: “I am a magical frog and since you are the first two animals I have ever seen, I am going to grant you both three wishes. You will each take turns using them and you have to use them now.” The bear (being greedy) went first. I would like for every bear in this forest to be female except for me.” A magical sound and it was done. Then the rabbit. “I would like a helmet.” This confused both the frog and the bear, but after a magical sound there was a helmet. It was the bear’s turn again. “I would like for every bear in the neighboring forest to be female.” A magical sound and it was done. The rabbit went again. “I would like a motorcycle.” Both the frog and the bear wondered why the rabbit didn’t just ask for a lot of money with which he could buy himself a motorcycle, but after a magical sound there was a motorcycle. The bear took his last wish. “I would like for all the bears in the world to be female except for me.” A magical sound and it was done. The rabbit then put on his helmet, started up the motorcycle, and said “I wish the bear was gay” and took off like a bat out of hell.
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Next there’s this one from jokebuddha.com
An engineering student is walking on campus one day, when another engineer student rides up on a shiny new motorcycle.
“Where did you get such a functional bike?” asked the first.
The second engineer replied: “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes, spread her arms wide and said: “Take what you want.”
The second engineer nodded approvingly: “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”
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There are a lot more. Here are some more links.

From Vtwin.com

Even Pinterest gets into it.

Here’s Motorcycle Specifications.

It’s endless. Just search.

Biker Quote for Today

On a motorcycle no one ever asks “are we there yet?”

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Posted in Miscellaneous | No Comments »

A Good Day To Ride Or Not?

February 5th, 2015
Motorcycles on a gravel road

Sometimes we do ride where it's crunchy.

Tuesday was looking iffy. Sure the weather forecast said 60 degrees as a high, but it also said snow later and much colder on Wednesday. What if the cold weather came in early?

I was thinking about riding to work but we had just had a bunch of snow and I wasn’t even sure if our own street was clear or not. I intended to take a close look when I came home on Monday but forgot. Then at dinner I mentioned it and Judy said let’s go for a walk after dinner and we can check it out. But then we forgot that.

So Tuesday morning I got up and decided to give it a shot. Of course I wore all the warm gear.

Turned out our street was clear, so no problem getting out of the neighborhood. I knew the main roads would be clear so the only part I had any concern about was the last two miles to the office. While everything else is arterials, that last bit would probably be called a collector street, and not as likely to be clear. Plus, when I rode to work last week it was along there that I encountered a little ice.

I often compose these blog posts in my head as I’m riding and I was envisioning hitting some ice and going down, thinking about a title for the post along the lines of “Not A Good Day To Ride.” But I didn’t need to use that one. And it appeared I might get all the way to work without seeing one single other motorcycle. That’s very unusual, especially on a day with a predicted high of 60. But I did finally see one other bike eventually. Just that one.

I was also wondering about the parking lot. I knew I was likely to run into ice there. Oh well, if avoiding the ice meant I parked in a car space rather than in the motorcycle parking area, so be it. And yes, there was some ice–not a lot–but I just rolled across it safely.

So it was a good ride in. I love the idea of riding the motorcycle to work in February.

Heading home I knew there would be no problem. I still only saw two other bikes. Where were the rest of you guys on Tuesday?

And nobody tried to kill me. Although one person about three cars ahead did start to pull into my lane without looking to see if someone was there. But that was another car he almost hit, not me. Dude, you need to turn your head and look. And if a car can get swallowed up in someone’s blind spot what does that tell you about a motorcycle?

And now it’s cold and snowy again. But have hope: the weekend forecast looks very good. I will be seeing you out there on Saturday, won’t I? I’ll be there.

Biker Quote for Today

Am I the only one around here who doesn’t think twice about riding in the rain?

Tags:
Posted in Colorado motorcycle rides | No Comments »

Motorcycle Organizations Turning Against MOST

February 2nd, 2015
Motorcycle Riding Course

Even the pros need training and practice, as this officer has demonstrated.

Some motorcycle groups never supported the MOST program in the first place but now even those that have are turning against it. Look for it to be an issue at the state capitol this session and next.

MOST, or Colorado’s Motorcycle Operator Safety Training program, was created to make motorcycle rider training more affordable, with the expectation that lower costs would encourage more riders to get trained. In order to fund this, an extra $2 is tacked onto the motorcycle registration fees we all pay each year. While some riders have objected to paying out of their pocket for someone else’s benefit, others have been willing to pay the extra to make riding safer and, by doing that, forestall any moves by legislators to reinstate Colorado’s helmet law.

Of the money raised by this $2 fee, 15 percent of it has been earmarked for the administrative costs of operating the program. The rest is to be used to reduce training costs for students.

Now, ABATE of Colorado and others are upset that the Colorado Department of Transportation (CDOT), which administers MOST, has put out a request for proposals with the intent to bring on a contractor to oversee MOST. And the money to pay that contractor would come out of the 85 percent that is supposed to go for training, not the 15 percent for administration.

ABATE’s legislative liaison, Stump, explained that they feel it is too late to be getting a bill in this session that would terminate the $2 fee, although that is definitely a likelihood for next session. In the meantime, efforts are being made to have legislators put pressure on the MOST bureaucrats to justify their intended use of this money in ways not specified in the legislation.

One fly in this ointment, however, seems to be that the actual legislation was not specific about this intent. While the debate and discussion at the time MOST was created clearly held reducing rider training costs as the intent, that wording never made it into the bill.

We’ll see now how much influence motorcyclists have with the state legislature.

(Not related to MOST, but regarding rider training, if you’re in England and want to feel more confident riding there, they do have rider training companies over there, too. We suggest visiting London Motorcycle Training.)

Biker Quote for Today

A smart rider knows what he knows, a wise rider knows what he does not know.

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Posted in motorcycle training | 5 Comments »

First Ride To Work For 2015

January 29th, 2015
Motorcycles In The Hills

Lots of good riding this week.

I guess they’ve gotten pounded out East but here in Colorado we’ve had some gorgeous, warm weather. Of course I had to ride to work on Tuesday.

There was no way I was going out without my electric vest, and was glad for that in the morning. At first I thought I might regret not wearing my heated gloves but my fingers stayed warm enough.

As beautiful a day as it was you might have expected to see a lot of bikes out but I only noticed three, plus two motorcycle cops. Coming home I saw six.

One of the best things of all was that nobody tried to kill me. That doesn’t mean I didn’t encounter stupid drivers. On the way in I was cruising along when a woman decided to change into my lane, which was the left lane. Of course then she didn’t go one bit faster than she had been going in the right-hand lane. Each time we approached a green traffic light she would–with no cars closer in front of her than 150 feet–hit her brakes. And I watched as the cars in front of her got further and further ahead and we missed green lights we should have made. Arrrgh!

Coming home it was warm enough I didn’t turn on the vest. Such a nice day in January!

At one point I came upon a piece of carpet lying in the road, and I thought about stories I’ve heard of guys on bikes going over something like that and having it go flying out under their wheels, kind of like riding on ice. I swerved around that.

And then there was the evening commute idiot–almost the same kind of thing as the morning idiot.

In this case, though, the guy in the right lane had his left turn signal on and so I gave him plenty of room to move over. But he didn’t. After giving way more time than warranted I decided to shoot past him. No way was I going to pass him at an easy pace; sure as I started to do something like that he would have decided that now was the time to change lanes.

As soon as I got ahead of him he did change lanes. And slowed down. I watched him fade away in my mirror. It occurred to me that I was glad he didn’t pull over when I offered to let him because if he had I would now be the guy behind him cursing.

Why are some people so stupid?

So anyway, I was off work on Wednesday and had some errands to run so I did them on the Suzuki. A bit cooler, definitely more windy, but still a really nice day to ride in January. I love Colorado.

Biker Quote for Today

If I could fit them on my KLR, would I need to add auto-immune suppression meds to the tank with each fill up? (OK, I don’t quite get this one either but I still thought it was interesting.)

Tags:
Posted in Colorado motorcycle rides | No Comments »

DA ‘Will Not Pursue’ Charges Against Terry Howard

January 25th, 2015
ABATE shirt

Terry Howard will no longer be prosecuted for alleged theft from ABATE.

I just came from the ABATE District 10 meeting and once again it seems everyone else already knew what I only learned in an off-handed reference: The Denver District Attorney has decided to drop the one remaining charge against Terry Howard, ABATE’s former state coordinator. Although Bruce Downs, the new state coordinator, made the point that it should be stated in the terms that the DA “will not pursue” the charges any further. I’m not really clear on the semantic difference. Either way, Terry is no longer being prosecuted for theft.

As Bruce explained, ABATE was asked to provide a “victim’s statement,” which it did, and later the DA’s office got back to Bruce to inform him of its decision to call it off. He said the call had come on Wednesday or Thursday.

“That’s where it ends,” said Bruce.

At least that’s where the criminal aspect of the situation ends. Of course both ABATE and Terry Howard remain on the hook for this high-interest loan that the group has defaulted on and for which Terry co-signed. It’s probably going to be a long time before that business comes to an end.

Biker Quote for Today

Careful maintenance and preparation is critical to making sure your dirt bike is reliable enough to tow your buddy’s bike back to the truck.

Tags:
Posted in ABATE | 1 Comment »

2015 OFMC Trip Plan Laid Out

January 22nd, 2015
OFMC 2014

Second day out on last year's OFMC trip, near Chadron, Nebraska.

With John having taken on the duties of OFMC trip planning, and me having given up on arguing with him about it, I just wait patiently for him to announce to us all where we’ll be going on our trip this summer.

Well, the word came out the other day and here’s where we’re going.

Friday: Denver to Estes Park – 100 miles on Peak to Peak Highway, through Nederland. Maybe meet in Blackhawk for brunch first.

Saturday: Estes to Oak Creek – 140 miles through through Rocky Mountain Natl. Park, Grand Lake, Hot Sulfur Springs, Byers Canyon, Kremmling, and Yampa.

Sunday: Oak Creek to Vernal – 166 miles on the “Twenty Mile Road” to Hayden and on US 50 to Vernal. It is 300 miles to Vernal for those “short riders” who may join us on Sunday.

Monday: Vernal to Ferron, UT. – 200 miles on new “chosen” scenic motorcycle roads through national forest. Scenic US 191 southwest from Duchesne, UT through “The Huntington Canyon Scenic Byway.”

Tuesday: Ferron to Hanksville – 160 miles on more new “chosen” scenic motorcycle roads through Miller Canyon, Fremont Junction over Hogan Pass, by Fishlake, Loa, and Capital Reef Natl. Park.

Wednesday: Hanksville to Ignacio – 266 miles on more new “chosen” scenic motorcycle roads through the crossing of the Colorado, scenic byway in Fry Canyon, and Reservation backroads to Cortez, through Durango.

Thursday: Ignacio to La Veta – 207 miles on US-160 over Wolf Creek Pass, across the San Louis Valley, over La Veta Pass to that nice little local owned motel by the golf course.

Friday: Golf Day in La Veta!!! – 12 miles to Cuchara and back for a “last supper” with the OFMC after a round of golf at Grandote Peaks.

John’s theme this year is new roads in Utah we haven’t been on. Those are the “chosen” ones, though I’m not clear on the use of that term.

So it sounds good to me. That’s why I quit fighting him about the planning. I do like to have a say in this but he always comes up with good ideas, so just let him have his fun.

What I’m really interested in is the other trips. There are many of us now who can take more than one trip a year and John is supposed to be planning a couples trip and maybe one or two others. I’m looking forward to a good summer.

Biker Quote for Today

A biker can smell a party 5,000 miles away.

Tags:
Posted in OFMC | No Comments »

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